"Couples on Surviving Trauma and Loss: Five partners whose love has endured seismic changes, from refugees forced apart by war to a couple left with horrific injuries"
The first two stories in the article are legit: a couple in a terrible car accident and a couple separated by the Sudanese civil war. Then things start going to hell and get worse and worse. All of the things that FDS warns against are here: codependency, gaslighting, lying, cheating, excuse-making, blame shifting, martyrdom. Women continue to be conditioned to accept sub-par treatment by these kinds of narratives. The ladies of FDS refuse to help relationships "survive trauma" that is LITERALLY CREATED BY THE MAN IN THE RELATIONSHIP AND HIS SELFISH AND OVERALL TERRIBLE DECISIONS.

‘I was in prison for 2,192 days; she wrote to me almost daily’

Laure, 58, and Jerry, 62, survived his jail sentence for causing death by dangerous driving. They live in Alabama, and now run a support network for the families of prisoners.
Laure Jerry and I met in 1995 and married four months later. I tell him all the time I would marry him again, but faster. We’d both been married twice before and dating was the last thing I was looking for. But he ticked all the boxes.
I had two daughters and he had one. We moved our family from Tennessee to Alabama, to raise them in the country. We were living the dream. But on 17 March 2003, it was shattered when Jerry caused a head-on car collision which killed a young mother. He had been driving drunk.
I felt rage, betrayal. When we met, we were both recovering alcoholics, so I had only known him sober. Now a life had been lost. I didn’t want him dead, but I wanted him to hurt real bad. We lived in a small town, and I grieved for that family. I felt embarrassment. I had to get to the forgiveness part quickly so I could get through each day.
Jerry spent 10 days in the ICU. He pleaded guilty to manslaughter and was sentenced to six years in prison and 19 on probation. I was scared – emotionally, practically, financially, spiritually. I wanted to stay married but didn’t know how. I didn’t know what you do when someone you love is in prison.

His first year home, we argued all the time. I’d put my hand on his shoulder and he’d push it away

I wrote to him almost every night. I could afford one dollar-a-minute phone call a week and petrol for the 100-mile drive to visit every two weeks. I felt a lot of anger in those first years. I remember burying the cat, crying, saying, “This is a dad job.” I tried to experience the girls’ graduations for both of us.
His first year home, we argued all the time. I’d put my hand on his shoulder and he’d push it away; he was still in survival mode.
We’re grandparents now and enjoy our family immensely. We run a support network for prisoner families, called Extended Family. I started it six months into his sentence.
Jerry will still say, “You stayed with me all those years,” but I don’t think of it that way. I’m not going to make him do the dishes for the rest of our lives. We spent six years without each other; we don’t want to spend another minute apart.
Jerry On our first date, I took Laure and her daughters to see Cinderella at the theatre. When I got home, I wrote “She’s the one” on the back of the programme.
We had a good life. I had a small engineering business, work grew busy, and we moved cities. But I was in a mess. I got into narcotics but hid it from my family. The night of the accident, I had stopped at a liquor store. I was in a blackout. Moments later, a young woman was dead and I was airlifted to hospital. I was shocked, remorseful, disheartened.
My wife has a big and kind heart. I tried to protect her from the police investigation and the likelihood of prison. I didn’t want our girls walking around with the stigma of a dad who had killed someone.
In Alabama, incarceration is uncontested grounds for divorce, but there was never a question of Laure leaving me. On an early prison visit, I told her I wouldn’t blame her if she wanted to leave. She looked at me and said, “I’d be more miserable than I am now.” I’ll never forget it.
I was in prison for 2,192 days and she wrote to me almost daily. There were guys that got nothing. I felt blessed and honoured. She would arrive every two weeks and I would put on a smile. But I pitied myself; I felt useless, unable to provide for my family.
When I came home, I was harsher than before. Meanwhile, this woman I loved had blossomed. I had to adjust. There’s a not a day that I don’t pay for my disastrous decision in some way, shape or form. We worked through the mess I made together, and we’re closer because of it.

‘It was a form of gaslighting. He led a double life’

Keith, 59, and Claire, 57, survived his gambling addiction. They live in Sussex.
Keith Claire and I had known each other in the 80s, and reconnected online 20 years later. Claire was living abroad, and I was on my way to broke. She’d make short trips to the UK, and we’d laugh through days out and long lunches. She was intelligent, full of life; a better person than I was.
I first entered a casino at 16. By 18, I’d borrowed, conned and stolen from everyone I knew. I was an addict. Through adulthood, I’d made and lost small fortunes and entire businesses. I’d play Monopoly for real money, or sit in a room of the club I owned, drinking brandy, snorting as much cocaine as I could.
I wasn’t a constant drug user or gambler. When Claire visited, I’d try to keep it together; but then I’d get desperate and make excuses to go to London for “work”. When she moved to the UK with her three kids in 2009, I’d disappear into a room of the home we shared for days, in a heady state of gambling, drugs and porn, too embarrassed to re-emerge. I had intermittent spells in Gambling Anonymous, but I found it hard to ask for help.
Claire paid for the house and put food on the table. I never stole from her, but I’m still surprised she didn’t walk out. By 2014, I’d had a heart attack and was nursing my mother, who had cancer. I would drive her to the hospital every day, off my tits, bring her home, make her food, then shut myself in another room and gamble online.
I couldn’t see myself in the mirror any more. I wanted to die. On 28 June 2014, I logged on to a website for people seeking affairs and used it for porn. That decision would almost end us: when Claire discovered the website in her search history, she sent me a Dear John letter. The next day, she drove me to residential rehab. The only rule I broke there was asking her to spend one night. I had to save the relationship.
I’ve been clean for six years now; Claire is part of the reason why. People talk about languages of love. For me those are quality time, acts of service. Boy, were there acts of kindness and service from Claire. Without her, I could well be dead.
Claire I was 18, and a poor student, when I first met Keith. He seemed glamorous, exciting, funny, intelligent. He was also a known gambler, but when we reconnected years later, that appeared to be in his past. Yet, with hindsight, nothing about the start of our relationship makes sense.
When I visited, he’d urgently have work or disappear into a room for days at a time. I’d spend hours on edge, struggling to trust him, but he would rationalise his behaviour, omitting huge details, claiming he’d simply drunk too much. It was a form of gaslighting. He led a double life.

When Keith decided on residential rehab, I knew that if I didn’t support him, there was no future

The first time I confronted him, I’d found an empty drugs packet, but he lied his way out of it. I became scared to ask, although we both knew he needed help. When his mother was unwell, he had the perfect alibi. He was an addict but he was responsible – and he took exquisite care of her. I was fearful but I had to get on with life.
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When Keith decided on residential rehab, I knew that if I didn’t support him, there was no future. I didn’t want significant time apart, but when an addict is serious about making changes, you have to put your own needs aside.
The most soul-destroying moment came when I found the affairs website. I had been betrayed by gambling and drugs, but my belief in the purity of our love had kept me going. I wrote to him saying it was over. From rehab, Keith proved to me it was only curiosity (there was no activity on his account), and I was open enough to reconciliation to visit him.
Emotionally, we’re more independent now, although we share bank accounts and he supports us financially. I’ve grown, too. I used to tell friends that Keith felt like an addiction to me. I’d waited years for a stable home life together: eventually, he walked the most difficult path in order to truly change.

‘Friends saw us as the perfect couple, but it was a lie’

Maryam, 31, and Amir, 33, survived his affair. They live in California.
Maryam When Amir had an affair, I had a thousand reasons to leave but looked for the one to stay. Our relationship had started as an affair, too. We had been couple-friends in our previous marriages and used to hang out as a group of four. Then, in February 2017, Amir and his wife broke up and he came on a trip with my husband and me. One night, we were up late, talking, while my husband slept. Amir opened up about his marriage and I began to sense he had feelings for me. I had relationship problems, too, and we started an affair. I ended my marriage.
Over the next 18 months, friends came to see us as the perfect couple. They would comment on how loving our relationship was. But I couldn’t forgive myself for how we’d started, and his divorce was a mess. He spent nights with his ex. I broke up with him several times. Things looked great on the surface but we both carried unresolved pain.
By the end of 2019, I became suspicious of his relationship with a co-worker. She was too intimate at the Christmas party and he was jumpy when she called. Then I found a credit card charge to a cafe, clearly for two people.

I loved him deep down but anger overwhelmed me. He asked over and over for a chance to prove he could change

It took me 10 days to get the full details from him. It had been going on for months and they’d slept together six times. I couldn’t breathe; I felt stupid. Everything that had gone before felt like a lie. I left him.
Amir telephoned non-stop and showed up at my parents’. I loved him deep down but anger overwhelmed me. He asked over and over for a chance to prove he could change. Eventually, I agreed to give him three months. We started individual and couples’ therapy and talked through every detail of our relationship. I couldn’t bear to sleep in the same room as him, but I could look at his face again. I agreed to more time.
I see the consistency and changes Amir has made, his commitment. When I discovered his affair, I was ready to give up on our relationship, but we have both grown. No one knows what the future holds and I have my fears. But, right now, I love the way he loves me.
Amir Maryam was the first time in my life I felt real love. But we were both married and I told myself it couldn’t happen.
As time passed, my ex-wife had an affair and my marriage died. Maryam had problems, too, and I made my feelings known. I admired her looks, the way she thinks. This wasn’t a game that I’d started; it was coming from the bottom of my heart.
I was born in the Middle East, in a war zone. As a child, I experienced sexual and physical abuse at the hands of my teacher, but told no one. The human psyche finds soothing mechanisms to alleviate pain. For me, that was sex.
I was in the most loving relationship with Maryam. The sex was amazing. We bought a house, enjoyed travelling. But the foundations were shaky and I unconsciously sought more.
When I got close to a co-worker, it turned into an affair, starting in May 2019 and lasting several months. It was pure sexual desire. This wasn’t someone I wanted to change the course of my life. We were opportunistic and, in those moments, I became blind to the consequences.
When Maryam found out, I tried to lie. I was naive about how much I was going to hurt her. She wanted nothing to do with me. She blocked my calls and texts, and told our family and friends all the details. Everyone who loved me looked at me as a monster. For the first time in my life, I started to wake up.
I made fixing myself and our relationship my only priority. I promised Maryam she would see a change, and started intense therapy, twice a week. I addressed my childhood trauma and sought support for sex addiction. I realised how much I was willing to do for Maryam.
At the beginning, it was simply about keeping Maryam; but it transformed into strengthening our bond. She has made sacrifices for me, been my guide and love. Every day, I’m more appreciative.
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/jan/30/couples-on-surviving-trauma-and-loss

I wish less games felt the need to flatter the player's ego.

It is difficult to overstate how much I love the Mass Effect trilogy. I was 14 when the last game came out, and I think up to that point, it was the most anticipated event in my life. I still remember waking up early every morning before school and frantically checking the BSN to see if any news had dropped during the night. Looking back now, I don't know if any gaming experience could ever match that excitement.
But for all my love, the Mass Effect Trilogy ended up suffering heavily from a common enough practice in the industry: fawning over the player character so that the player can feel powerful. Towards the end of the trilogy, the games are constantly telling you Commander Shepard is the greatest soldier in history. That Commander Shepard is the only being the Reapers fear. That Commander Shepard has the awe and speechless admiration of every person in the universe. His general best-ness is so pervasive, you stop considering whether your character even has limitations. Shepard never has the opportunity to pilot a starfighter in the games, but I get the feeling he's still the most deadly fighter ace in the cosmos. You never get to gamble at any of the casinos you enter, but I bet if you could, you would walk away with the deed to the place with a single Renegade dialogue choice. Honestly, a band wrote an entire song about how you can fight like a Krogan and run like a leopard, but you'll never be better than Commander Shepard. The only thing the game feels comfortable telling you Shepard sucks at is dancing.
One moment sticks out in my mind in particular. In the third game, your best friend and longtime lancer Garrus Vakarian invites you to his favorite spot on the Citadel. The two of you take a break from the war and just spend a few minutes tossing beer bottles and blowing them out of the sky. It is a great scene with one of the series' best characters, and a welcome rest from the weight of the game's plot. The problem is that when it's your turn to take a shot, you get two options: "Shoot the bottle" and "Miss on purpose." Garrus Vakarian is a freaking deadly sniper, probably one of the best shots in the entire galaxy. His entire persona and a lot of his character is based around him being The Sniper. But you're Commander Shepard, so even if you are playing a space wizard that hasn't touched a sniper rifle since basic, you can still outshoot him without even trying. His seriousness as a character and credibility as a companion is undermined for some pointless ego stroking. Would it have been so hard to let a companion school us, even for just a moment?
It's a small thing, but so many games seem completely unwilling to suggest that there might exist anyone out there who is better than you. That you aren't, in fact, the deadliest, handsomest, most implacable hero-man the world has ever seen. I think Mass Effect overdoes it, but by far the worst example I've ever seen is Skyrim. That game stacks praise upon you so quickly and so thickly it was impossible for me to take seriously. I remember starting the game and becoming both the legendary Dovahkiin and Harbinger of the Companions within two hours. By accident. Every character in the whole breadth of Skyrim can be seduced with an amulet and a dialogue option, because you, the player, are irresistible. You can be a vampire Dragonborn muskrat who leads the assassin's guild, the bard and wizard colleges, the thieves guild, the Blades, and the werewolves all at the same time. But none of it means anything! None of those titles have any significance or acknowledgement in the game's world. They sound impressive, but are really empty and worthless achievements meant to make the player feel important for completing a thirty minute quest line.
Do game developers think so little of us? That all gamers want is to feel powerful, and we will buy even the shallowest and most transparent wish-fulfillment fantasies if they make them? They might be right, but I wish we could have more mature protagonists and storylines in gaming that didn't feel the need to prop up our ego every five minutes. Games where the hero doesn't always get the girl, and will lose fights if he challenges his betters, and does not end up reshaping the world in his image. Games where you are not special.
The most famous rebuttal of this kind of grovelling hero fantasy is of course, Spec Ops: The Line, but I never liked that game. It seems to me like they made a mediocre, generic shooter and then hated you for playing it. I want to bring up three other games that I think gave the player a different take on stories without shitting all over them. Spoilers abound.
Halo: Reach
In Reach, you play a total badass: Noble Six, famous lone wolf Spartan III. And you know what it gets you? A lonely death in the final moments before your planet is annihilated from orbit. Sure, you're not someone to fuck with, but there are plenty of people scarier than you in your squad alone, and none of you have shit on the Covenant. You gun down hundreds of enemies like any FPS protagonist, but it isn't enough to save Reach. It's not even close, and the game never lets you think it is. You are only one soldier, super or not, and there's nothing you can do. Over the course of the campaign, your squad gets picked off one by one until you are the last man standing. Your efforts are not for nothing: you rescue Cortana and allow the Master Chief to get off world and eventually save the day. But you don't live to see it. Reach's campaign is empowering and makes you feel like a badass, but it also make you feel hope, loss, despair, pain, fear, and bloody defiance. Its credits sequence is to this day one of the most elegant marriages of gameplay and theme I've ever seen.
Dragon Age: Origins
Though the stakes are much lower in this game, DAO made me feel something Mass Effect never managed: that I couldn't do it. When the game starts, you are a nobody yanked from the jaws of death by the sudden intervention of a badass Grey Warden. There's a war on, and you are given a minor but important task to play on the sidelines of a battle, as befits someone who's been a Warden for 30 minutes. Next thing you know, everything has gone to shit, the king is dead, his army scattered, the world is going to end, and the only people who are remotely qualified to handle the situation are the other Grey Wardens. Who just died to a man defending the king. Oh, and a traitor is blocking all reinforcements from the outside world and sending assassins to kill you. You are saved by a super creepy and ludicrously untrustworthy swamp witch and all you have is a single companion, whose been a Warden for less than a year, and a stack of ancient treaties promising support in a time of Blight. Your only option is to approach the Lord, Kings and Chieftains of your country like beggars with nothing but scraps of paper signed a thousand years before and "please." I remember standing in that swamp and thinking "How in the hell are we going to pull this off? This is just too big for us." Of course, it's an RPG, so I should have known that we would end up saving the day. But in that moment, I was overwhelmed, and realized that I needed to be brave even though the game wasn't telling me how brave I was.
Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag
Black Flag is fondly remembered for its excellent naval combat and fun pirating gameplay, but I was blown away by its story. I think it managed to accomplish what Spec Ops: the Line tried to do: make the player question their actions. Edward Kenway is the hero, and he is a genuine swashbuckler's swashbuckler. Four pistols, two swords, a ship full of cannons, a lust for treasure, and a devil-may-care attitude. He's also kind of a shithead. He's terminally selfish and unbearably immature, risking his life at sea just so he can blow all his money on rum and wenches at the closest port. He never thinks about how his actions affect the people around him, and though he feels bad when he screws over a friend, it's not enough to make him change. Edward wants to live the same fantasy the players do, and the story lets him, but it also shows the consequences of that lifestyle. The game starts with you and a gang of pirates claiming Nassau port and toasting to an age of freedom on the open seas. As the story progresses, all of your friends either die when the law catches up to them, go legit and sell you out, or outgrow you and leave to fight for a cause. In the end, you are left with no one, having pushed away anyone who cared about you. You have to pick yourself up and try to make things right. It's quite a thoughtful arc buried in a pretty mindless pirate game, and it makes me wonder how many people blew past the story without catching its meaning.
Well, I've said enough. What are your thoughts? Do you think this is a problem? Am I being unfair to those games, hyping mediocre campaigns? Please share your thoughts, whatever they may be.

NYT article/The Weekly Episode on Epstein Hotlist

Just finished watching The Weekly (it’s kind of a Vice rip-off by the NYT) on Hulu where they went into detail about their story published this week about a « hacker » named Patrick Kessler who claimed to have tens of thousands of hours of Epstein’s private videos.
Turns out, Patrick did not released the videos and there is a lot of questions with his credibility, nonetheless, he clearly exposed two lawyers (Bois and Pottinger) for attempting to profit by offering to reach large settlements in which they would take 40%.
The article is here: Jeffrey Epstein, Blackmail, and a Lucrative Hotlist
Even though it sounds like this guy Kessler is full of shit, I REALLY wish that he wasn’t and at some point these troves of photos and videos get released and a bunch of rich and powerful people get what they deserve for abusing these women.
For those who need access to NYT- it is a long article, but here’s the full text:
By Jessica Silver-Greenberg, Emily Steel, Jacob Bernstein and David Enrich Nov. 30, 2019 Soon after the sex criminal Jeffrey Epstein died in August, a mysterious man met with two prominent lawyers.
Towering, barrel-chested and wild-bearded, he was a prodigious drinker and often wore flip-flops. He went by a pseudonym, Patrick Kessler — a necessity, he said, given the shadowy, dangerous world that he inhabited.
He told the lawyers he had something incendiary: a vast archive of Mr. Epstein’s data, stored on encrypted servers overseas. He said he had years of the financier’s communications and financial records — as well as thousands of hours of footage from hidden cameras in the bedrooms of Mr. Epstein’s properties. The videos, Kessler said, captured some of the world’s richest, most powerful men in compromising sexual situations — even in the act of rape.
Kessler said he wanted to expose these men. If he was telling the truth, his trove could answer one of the Epstein saga’s most baffling questions: How did a college dropout and high school math teacher amass a purported nine-figure fortune? One persistent but unproven theory was that he ran a sprawling blackmail operation. That would explain why moguls, scientists, political leaders and a royal stayed loyal to him, in some cases even after he first went to jail.
Kessler’s tale was enough to hook the two lawyers, the famed litigator David Boies and his friend John Stanley Pottinger. If Kessler was authentic, his videos would arm them with immense leverage over some very important people.
Mr. Boies and Mr. Pottinger discussed a plan. They could use the supposed footage in litigation or to try to reach deals with men who appeared in it, with money flowing into a charitable foundation. In encrypted chats with Kessler, Mr. Pottinger referred to a roster of potential targets as the “hot list.” He described hypothetical plans in which the lawyers would pocket up to 40 percent of the settlements and could extract money from wealthy men by flipping from representing victims to representing their alleged abusers.
The possibilities were tantalizing — and extended beyond vindicating victims. Mr. Pottinger saw a chance to supercharge his law practice. For Mr. Boies, there was a shot at redemption, after years of criticism for his work on behalf of Theranos and Harvey Weinstein.
In the end, there would be no damning videos, no funds pouring into a new foundation. Mr. Boies and Mr. Pottinger would go from toasting Kessler as their “whistle-blower” and “informant” to torching him as a “fraudster” and a “spy.”
Kessler was a liar, and he wouldn’t expose any sexual abuse. But he would reveal something else: The extraordinary, at times deceitful measures elite lawyers deployed in an effort to get evidence that could be used to win lucrative settlements — and keep misconduct hidden, allowing perpetrators to abuse again.
Mr. Boies has publicly decried such secret deals as “rich man’s justice,” a way that powerful men buy their way out of legal and reputational jeopardy. This is how it works.
7 men and a headless parrot
The man who called himself Kessler first contacted a Florida lawyer, Bradley J. Edwards, who was in the news for representing women with claims against Mr. Epstein. It was late August, about two weeks after the financier killed himself in a jail cell while awaiting trial on federal sex-trafficking charges.
Mr. Edwards, who did not respond to interview requests, had a law firm called Edwards Pottinger, and he soon referred Kessler to his New York partner. Silver-haired and 79, Mr. Pottinger had been a senior civil-rights official in the Nixon and Ford administrations, but he also dabbled in investment banking and wrote best-selling medical thrillers. He was perhaps best known for having dated Gloria Steinem and Kathie Lee Gifford.
Mr. Pottinger recalled that Mr. Edwards warned him about Kessler, saying that he was “endearing,” “spooky” and “loves to drink like a fish.”
After an initial discussion with Kessler in Washington, Mr. Pottinger briefed Mr. Boies — whose firm was also active in representing accusers in the Epstein case — about the sensational claims. He then invited Kessler to his Manhattan apartment. Kessler admired a wall-mounted frame containing a headless stuffed parrot; on TV, the Philadelphia Eagles were mounting a comeback against the Washington Redskins. Mr. Pottinger poured Kessler a glass of WhistlePig whiskey, and the informant began to talk.
In his conversations with Mr. Pottinger and, later, Mr. Boies, Kessler said his videos featured numerous powerful men who were already linked to Mr. Epstein: Ehud Barak, the former Israeli prime minister; Alan Dershowitz, a constitutional lawyer; Prince Andrew; three billionaires; and a prominent chief executive.
All seven men, or their representatives, told The New York Times they never engaged in sexual activity on Mr. Epstein’s properties. The Times has no reason to believe Kessler’s supposed video footage is real.
In his apartment, Mr. Pottinger presented Kessler with a signed copy of “The Boss,” his 2005 novel. “One minute you’re bending the rules,” blares the cover of the paperback version. “The next minute you’re breaking the law.” On the title page, Mr. Pottinger wrote: “Here’s to the great work you are to do. Happy to be part of it.”
Mr. Pottinger also gave Kessler a draft contract to bring him on as a client, allowing him to use a fake name. “For reasons revealed to you, I prefer to proceed with this engagement under the name Patrick Kessler,” the agreement said.
Despite the enormities of the Epstein scandal, few of his accusers have gotten a sense of justice or resolution. Mr. Pottinger thought Kessler’s files could change everything. This strange man was theatrical and liked his alcohol, but if there was even a chance his claims were true, they were worth pursuing.
“Our clients are said to be liars and prostitutes,” Mr. Pottinger later said in an interview with The Times, “and we now have someone who says, ‘I can give you secret photographic proof of abuse that will completely change the entire fabric of your practice and get justice for these girls.’ And you think that we wouldn’t try to get that?”
A victim becomes a hacker
Mr. Pottinger and Mr. Boies have known each other for years, a friendship forged on bike trips in France and Italy. In legal circles, Mr. Boies was royalty: He was the one who fought for presidential candidate Al Gore before the Supreme Court, took on Microsoft in a landmark antitrust case, and helped obtain the right for gays and lesbians to get married in California.
But then Mr. Boies got involved with the blood-testing start-up Theranos. As the company was being revealed as a fraud, he tried to bully whistle-blowers into not speaking to a Wall Street Journal reporter, and he was criticized for possible conflicts of interest when he joined the company’s board in 2015.
Two years later, Mr. Boies helped his longtime client Harvey Weinstein hire private investigators who intimidated sources and trailed reporters for The Times and The New Yorker — even though Mr. Boies’s firm had worked for The Times on other matters. (The Times fired his firm.)
By 2019, Mr. Boies, 78, was representing a number of Mr. Epstein’s alleged victims. They got his services pro bono, and he got the chance to burnish his legacy. When Mr. Pottinger contacted him about Kessler, he was intrigued.
On Sept. 9, Mr. Boies greeted Kessler at the offices of his law firm, Boies Schiller Flexner, in a gleaming new skyscraper at Hudson Yards on Manhattan’s West Side. Kessler unfurled a fantastic story, one he would embroider and alter in later weeks, that began with him growing up somewhere within a three-hour radius of Washington. Kessler said he had been molested as a boy by a Bible school teacher and sought solace on the internet, where he fell in with a group of victims turned hackers, who used their skills to combat pedophilia.
Kessler claimed that a technology executive had introduced him to Mr. Epstein, who in 2012 hired Kessler to set up encrypted servers to preserve his extensive digital archives. With Mr. Epstein dead, Kessler boasted to the lawyers, he had unfettered access to the material. He said the volume of videos was overwhelming: more than a decade of round-the-clock footage from dozens of cameras.
Kessler displayed some pixelated video stills on his phone. In one, a bearded man with his mouth open appears to be having sex with a naked woman. Kessler said the man was Mr. Barak. In another, a man with black-framed glasses is seen shirtless with a woman on his lap, her breasts exposed. Kessler said it was Mr. Dershowitz. He also said that some of the supposed videos appeared to have been edited and cataloged for the purpose of blackmail.
“This was explosive information if true, for lots and lots of people,” Mr. Boies said in an interview.
Mr. Boies and Mr. Pottinger had decades of legal experience and considered themselves experts at assessing witnesses’ credibility. While they couldn’t be sure, they thought Kessler was probably legit.
A chance to sway the Israeli election
Within hours of the Hudson Yards meeting, Mr. Pottinger sent Kessler a series of texts over the encrypted messaging app Signal.
According to excerpts viewed by The Times, Mr. Pottinger and Kessler discussed a plan to disseminate some of the informant’s materials — starting with the supposed footage of Mr. Barak. The Israeli election was barely a week away, and Mr. Barak was challenging Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. The purported images of Mr. Barak might be able to sway the election — and fetch a high price. (“Total lie with no basis in reality,” Mr. Barak said when asked about the existence of such videos.)
“Can you review your visual evidence to be sure some or all is indisputably him? If so, we can make it work,” Mr. Pottinger wrote.
Kessler said he would do so. Mr. Pottinger sent a yellow smiley-face emoji with its tongue sticking out.
“Can you share your contact that would be purchasing,” Kessler asked.
“Sheldon Adelson,” Mr. Pottinger answered.
Mr. Adelson, a billionaire casino magnate in Las Vegas, had founded one of Israel’s largest newspapers, and it was an enthusiastic booster of Mr. Netanyahu. Mr. Pottinger wrote that he and Mr. Boies hoped to fly to Nevada to meet with Mr. Adelson to discuss the images.
“Do you believe that adelson has the pull to insure this will hurt his bid for election?” Kessler asked the next morning.
Mr. Pottinger reassured him. “There is no question that Adelson has the capacity to air the truth about EB if he wants to,” he said, using Mr. Barak’s initials. He said he planned to discuss the matter with Mr. Boies that evening.
Mr. Boies confirmed that they discussed sharing the photo with Mr. Adelson but said the plan was never executed. Boaz Bismuth, the editor in chief of the newspaper, Israel Hayom, said its journalists were approached by an Israeli source who pitched them supposed images of Mr. Barak, but that “we were not interested.”
‘These are wealthy wrongdoers’
The men whom Kessler claimed to have on tape were together worth many billions. Some of their public relations teams had spent months trying to tamp down media coverage of their connections to Mr. Epstein. Imagine how much they might pay to make incriminating videos vanish.
You might think that lawyers representing abuse victims would want to publicly expose such information to bolster their clients’ claims. But that is not how the legal industry always works. Often, keeping things quiet is good business.
One of the revelations of the #MeToo era has been that victims’ lawyers often brokered secret deals in which alleged abusers paid to keep their accusers quiet and the allegations out of the public sphere. Lawyers can pocket at least a third of such settlements, profiting off a system that masks misconduct and allows men to abuse again.
Mr. Boies and Mr. Pottinger said in interviews that they were looking into creating a charity to help victims of sexual abuse. It would be bankrolled by private legal settlements with the men on the videos.
Mr. Boies acknowledged that Kessler might get paid. “If we were able to use this to help our victims recover money, we would treat him generously,” he said in September. He said that his firm would not get a cut of any settlements.
Such agreements would have made it less likely that videos involving the men became public. “Generally what settlements are about is getting peace,” Mr. Boies said.
Mr. Pottinger told Kessler that the charity he was setting up would be called the Astria Foundation — a name he later said his girlfriend came up with, in a nod to Astraea, the Greek goddess of innocence and justice. “We need to get it funded by abusers,” Mr. Pottinger texted, noting in another message that “these are wealthy wrongdoers.”
Mr. Pottinger asked Kessler to start compiling incriminating materials on a specific group of men.
“I’m way ahead of you,” Kessler responded. He said he had asked his team of fellow hackers to search the files for the three billionaires, the C.E.O. and Prince Andrew.
“Yes, that’s exactly how to do this,” Mr. Pottinger said. “Videos for sure, but email traffic, too.”
“I call it our hot list,” he added.
Image The Grand Sichuan restaurant in Manhattan. The Grand Sichuan restaurant in Manhattan.Credit...Stephanie Diani for The New York Times A quiet table at the back of Grand Sichuan
In mid-September, Mr. Boies and Mr. Pottinger invited reporters from The Times to the Boies Schiller offices to meet Kessler. The threat of a major news organization writing about the videos — and confirming the existence of an extensive surveillance apparatus — could greatly enhance the lawyers’ leverage over the wealthy men.
Before the session, Mr. Pottinger encouraged Kessler to focus on certain men, like Mr. Barak, while avoiding others. Referring to the reporters, he added, “Let them drink from a fountain instead of a water hose. They and the readers will follow that better.”
The meeting took place on a cloudy Saturday morning. After agreeing to leave their phones and laptops outside, the reporters entered a 20th-floor conference room. Kessler was huge: more than 6 feet tall, pushing 300 pounds, balding, his temples speckled with gray. He told his story and presented images that he said were of Mr. Epstein, Mr. Barak and Mr. Dershowitz having sex with women.
Barely an hour after the session ended, the Times reporters received an email from Kessler: “Are you free?” He said he wanted to meet — alone. “Tell no one else.” That afternoon, they met at Grand Sichuan, an iconic Chinese restaurant in Manhattan’s Chelsea neighborhood. The lunch rush was over, and the trio sat at a quiet table in the back. A small group of women huddled nearby, speaking Mandarin and snipping the ends off string beans.
Kessler complained that Mr. Boies and Mr. Pottinger were more interested in making money than in exposing wrongdoers. He pulled out his phone, warned the reporters not to touch it, and showed more of what he had. There was a color photo of a bare-chested, gray-haired man with a slight smile. Kessler said it was a billionaire. He also showed blurry, black-and-white images of a dark-haired man receiving oral sex. He said it was a prominent C.E.O.
Soup dumplings and Gui Zhou chicken arrived, and Kessler kept talking. He said he had found financial ledgers on Mr. Epstein’s servers that showed he had vast amounts of Bitcoin and cash in the Middle East and Bangkok, and hundreds of millions of dollars’ worth of gold, silver and diamonds. He presented no proof. But it is common for whistle-blowers to be erratic and slow to produce their evidence, and The Times thought it was worth investigating Kessler’s claims.
The conversation continued in a conference room at a Washington hotel five days later, after a text exchange in which Kessler noted his enthusiasm for Japanese whiskey. Both parties brought bottles to the hotel, and Kessler spent nearly eight hours downing glass after glass. He veered from telling tales about the dark web to professing love for “Little House on the Prairie.” He asserted that he had evidence Mr. Epstein had derived his wealth through illicit means. At one point, he showed what he said were classified C.I.A. documents.
Kessler said he had no idea who the women in the videos were or how the lawyers might go about identifying them to act on their behalf. From his perspective, he said, it seemed like Mr. Boies and Mr. Pottinger were plotting to use his footage to demand huge sums from billionaires. He said it looked like blackmail — and that he could prove it.
‘We keep it. We keep everything’
Was Kessler’s story plausible? Did America’s best-connected sexual predator accumulate incriminating videos of powerful men?
Two women who spent time in Mr. Epstein’s homes said the answer was yes. In an unpublished memoir, Virginia Giuffre, who accused Mr. Epstein of making her a “sex slave,” wrote that she discovered a room in his New York mansion where monitors displayed real-time surveillance footage. And Maria Farmer, an artist who accused Mr. Epstein of sexually assaulting her when she worked for him in the 1990s, said that Mr. Epstein once walked her through the mansion, pointing out pin-sized cameras that he said were in every room.
“I said, ‘Are you recording all this?’” Ms. Farmer said in an interview. “He said, ‘Yes. We keep it. We keep everything.’”
During a 2005 search of Mr. Epstein’s Palm Beach, Fla., estate, the police found two cameras hidden in clocks — one in the garage and the other next to his desk, according to police reports. But no other cameras were found.
Kessler claimed to have been an early investor in a North Carolina coffee company, whose sticker was affixed to his laptop. But its founder said no one matching Kessler’s description had ever been affiliated with the company. Kessler insisted that he invested in 2009, but the company wasn’t founded until 2011.
The contents of Kessler’s supposed C.I.A. documents turned out to be easily findable using Google. At one point, Kessler said that one of his associates had been missing and was found dead; later, Kessler said the man was alive and in the southern United States. He said that his mother had died when he was young — and that he had recently given her a hug. A photo he sent from what he said was a Washington-area hospital featured a distinctive blanket, but when The Times called local hospitals, they didn’t recognize the pattern.
After months of effort, The Times could not learn Kessler’s identity or confirm any element of his back story.
“I am very often being purposefully inconsistent,” Kessler said, when pressed.
A Weinstein cameo
On the last Friday in September, Mr. Boies and Mr. Pottinger sat on a blue leather couch in the corner of a members-only dining room at the Harvard Club in Midtown Manhattan. Antlered animal heads and oil paintings hung from the dark wooden walls.
The lawyers were there to make a deal with The Times. Tired of waiting for Kessler’s motherlode, Mr. Pottinger said they planned to send a team overseas to download the material from his servers. He said he had alerted the F.B.I. and a prosecutor in the United States attorney’s office in Manhattan.
Mr. Boies told an editor for The Times that they would be willing to share everything, on one condition: They would have discretion over which men could be written about, and when. He explained that if compromising videos about particular men became public, that could torpedo litigation or attempts to negotiate settlements. The Times editor didn’t commit.
Mr. Boies and Mr. Pottinger later said those plans had hinged on verifying the videos’ authenticity and on having clients with legitimate legal claims against the men. Otherwise, legal experts said, it might have crossed the line into extortion.
The meeting was briefly interrupted when Bob Weinstein, the brother of Harvey Weinstein, bounded up to the table and plopped onto the couch next to Mr. Boies. The two men spent several minutes talking, laughing and slapping each other on the back.
While Mr. Boies and Mr. Weinstein chatted, Mr. Pottinger furtively displayed the black-and-white shot of a man in glasses having sex. Both lawyers said it looked like Mr. Dershowitz.
‘You don’t keep your glasses on when you’re doing that’
One day in late September, Mr. Dershowitz’s secretary relayed a message: Someone named Patrick Kessler wanted to speak to him about Mr. Boies.
“The problem is that they don’t want to move forward with any of these people legally,” Kessler said. “They’re just interested in trying to settle and take a cut.”
“Who are these people that you have on videotape?” Mr. Dershowitz asked.
“There’s a lot of people,” Kessler said, naming a few powerful men. He added, “There’s a long list of people that they want me to have that I don’t have.”
“Who?” Mr. Dershowitz asked. “Did they ask about me?”
“Of course they asked about you. You know that, sir.”
“And you don’t have anything on me, right?”
“I do not, no,” Kessler said.
“Because I never, I never had sex with anybody,” Mr. Dershowitz said. Later in the call, he added, “I am completely clean. I was at Jeffrey’s house. I stayed there. But I didn’t have any sex with anybody.”
What was the purpose of Kessler’s phone call? Why did he tell Mr. Dershowitz that he wasn’t on the supposed surveillance tapes, contradicting what he had said and showed to Mr. Boies, Mr. Pottinger and The Times? Did the call sound a little rehearsed?
Mr. Dershowitz said that he didn’t know why Kessler contacted him, and that the phone call was the only time the two men ever spoke. When The Times showed him one of Kessler’s photos, in which a bespectacled man resembling Mr. Dershowitz appears to be having sex, Mr. Dershowitz laughed and said the man wasn’t him. His wife, Carolyn Cohen, peeked at the photo, too.
“You don’t keep your glasses on when you’re doing that,” she said.
Data set (supposedly) to self-destruct
In early October, Kessler said he was ready to produce the Epstein files. He told The Times that he had created duplicate versions of Mr. Epstein’s servers. He laid out detailed logistical plans for them to be shipped by boat to the United States and for one of his associates — a very short Icelandic man named Steven — to deliver them to The Times headquarters at 11 a.m. on Oct. 3.
Kessler warned that he was erecting a maze of security systems. First, a Times employee would need to use a special thumb drive to access a proprietary communications system. Then Kessler’s colleague would transmit a code to decrypt the files. If his instructions weren’t followed precisely, Kessler said, the information would self-destruct.
Specialists at The Times set up a number of “air-gapped” laptops — disconnected from the internet — in a windowless, padlocked meeting room. Reporters cleared their schedules to sift through thousands of hours of surveillance footage.
On the morning of the scheduled delivery, Kessler sent a series of frantic texts. Disaster had struck. A fire was burning. The duplicate servers were destroyed. One of his team members was missing. He was fleeing to Kyiv.
Two hours later, Kessler was in touch with Mr. Pottinger and didn’t mention any emergency. Kessler said he hoped that the footage would help pry $1 billion in settlements out of their targets, and asked him to detail how the lawyers could extract the money. “Could you put together a hypothetical situation,” Kessler wrote, not something “set in stone but close to what your thinking.”
In one, which he called a “standard model” for legal settlements, Mr. Pottinger said the money would be split among his clients, the Astria Foundation, Kessler and the lawyers, who would get up to 40 percent.
In the second hypothetical, Mr. Pottinger wrote, the lawyers would approach the videotaped men. The men would then hire the lawyers, ensuring that they would not get sued, and “make a contribution to a nonprofit as part of the retainer.”
“No client is actually involved in this structure,” Mr. Pottinger said, noting that the arrangement would have to be “consistent with and subject to rules of ethics.”
“Thank you very much,” Kessler responded.
Mr. Pottinger later said that the scenario would have involved him representing a victim, settling a case and then representing the victim’s alleged abuser. He said it was within legal boundaries. (He also said he had meant to type “No client lawsuit is actually involved.”)
Such legal arrangements are not unheard-of. Lawyers representing a former Fox News producer who had accused Bill O’Reilly of sexual harassment reached a settlement in which her lawyers agreed to work for Mr. O’Reilly after the dispute. But legal experts generally consider such setups to be unethical because they can create conflicts between the interests of the lawyers and their original clients.
‘I just pulled it out of my behind’
The lawyers held out hope of getting Kessler’s materials. But weeks passed, and nothing arrived. At one point, Mr. Pottinger volunteered to meet Kessler anywhere — including Ljubljana, the capital of Slovenia.
“I still believe he is what he purported to be,” Mr. Boies wrote in an email on Nov. 7. “I have to evaluate people for my day job, and he seemed too genuine to be a fake, and I very much want him to be real.” He added, “I am not unconscious of the danger of wanting to believe something too much.”
Ten days later, Mr. Boies arrived at The Times for an on-camera interview. It was a bright, chilly Sunday, and Mr. Boies had just flown in from Ecuador, where he said he was doing work for the finance ministry. Reporters wanted to ask him plainly if his and Mr. Pottinger’s conduct with Kessler crossed ethical lines.
Would they have brokered secret settlements that buried evidence of wrongdoing? Did the notion of extracting huge sums from men in exchange for keeping sex tapes hidden meet the definition of extortion?
Mr. Boies said the answer to both questions was no. He said he and Mr. Pottinger operated well within the law. They only intended to pursue legal action on behalf of their clients — in other words, that they were a long way from extortion. In any case, he said, he and Mr. Pottinger had never authenticated any of the imagery or identified any of the supposed victims, much less contacted any of the men on the “hot list.”
Then The Times showed Mr. Boies some of the text exchanges between Mr. Pottinger and Kessler. Mr. Boies showed a flash of anger and said it was the first time he was seeing them.
By the end of the nearly four-hour interview, Mr. Boies had concluded that Kessler was probably a con man: “I think that he was a fraudster who was just trying to set things up.” And he argued that Kessler had baited Mr. Pottinger into writing things that looked more nefarious than they really were. He acknowledged that Mr. Pottinger had used “loose language” in some of his messages that risked creating the impression that the lawyers were plotting to monetize evidence of abuse.
Several days later, Mr. Boies returned for another interview and was more critical of Mr. Pottinger, especially the hypothetical plans that he had described to Kessler. “Having looked at all that stuff in context, I would not have said that,” he said. How did Mr. Boies feel about Mr. Pottinger invoking his name in messages to Kessler? “I don’t like it,” he said.
But Mr. Boies stopped short of blaming Mr. Pottinger for the whole mess. “I’m being cautious not to throw him under the bus more than I believe is accurate,” he said. His longtime P.R. adviser, Dawn Schneider, who had been pushing for a more forceful denunciation, dropped her pen, threw up her arms and buried her head in her hands.
In a separate interview, The Times asked Mr. Pottinger about his correspondence with Kessler. The lawyer said that his messages shouldn’t be taken at face value because, in reality, he had been deceiving Kessler all along — “misleading him deliberately in order to get the servers.”
The draft retention agreement that Mr. Pottinger had given to Kessler in September was unsigned and never meant to be honored, Mr. Pottinger said. And he never intended to sell photos of Mr. Barak to Mr. Adelson. “I just pulled it out of my behind,” he said, describing it as an act to impress Kessler.
As for the two hypotheticals about how to get money out of the men on the list, Mr. Pottinger said, he never planned to do what he carefully articulated. “I didn’t owe Patrick honesty about this,” he said.
Mr. Pottinger said that he had only one regret — that “we did not get the information that this liar said he had.”
He added, “I’m building legal cases here. I’m trying not to engage too much in shenanigans. I wish I didn’t, but this guy was very unusual.”

Lets Showcase: WEC

Finished Trails in the Sky the 3rd!

I made a post on SC a couple of weeks ago, so following up on that: https://www.reddit.com/Falcom/comments/8gh5ri/finished_trails_in_the_sky_sc_wow/
This game was a great way to wrap up the trilogy! The focus on Kevin and the church was refreshing after 2 games with Estelle/Joshua, and I loved the side stories spread out across the game. I wish more games had proper epilogues like this - most tend to just end SC-style, which is unsatisfying after spending so long with a sizable cast. It was super sad saying goodbye to the Liberl cast, and I’ll definitely miss them after the ~190 hours I spent with them. I’ll talk about my thoughts on the main story first, and then the individual doors (since these were by far the best part).

Main Story

The title screen is beautiful. Not quite SC level, but the unnatural colour scheme, calming water, and the beautiful mirror ~~that totally doesn’t spoil the final dungeon~~ combine to make a beautiful piece of art that does a great job at representing the mysterious and unknown nature of Phatasma. The poignant music adds to that.
Prologue: Holy crap, talk about a fantastic way to start things off. The airship scene was a great way to show Kevin’s everday life. I love how it immediately shows his darker side that was revealed at the end of SC, and the contrast between that and his nice guy persona is as awesome as ever. Interesting sneakpeak into Erebonia’s corruption too (then again, which country doesn’t have corruption). Him smashing the window and jumping out of the airship was cliched but who cares, it was cool. Ries also had a great introduction. I was immediately interested in her, and curious to find out her relation to Kevin. I also liked how quickly she stopped distancing herself, and her bottomless stomach was hilarious. Tita’s mother… Tita briefly described her in SC, but seeing her in person was something else. Her absurd hatred for Agate is fucking hilarious - I’ll go more in-depth in Moon Door 1. Gilbert making another appearance is amusing, certainly didn’t expect him to be a recurring character back in FC. Then totally-not-Loewe appears (I had voices on so it instantly gave it away, ontop of the hair), and the magic cube MacGuffin sends the two into another dimension. I was very confused about Loewe’s appearance, and thought he’d been memory wiped or something. Also salty since I knew the game was trying to bait me into thinking he can be brought back.
Chapter 1: I think there was a scene showing Kevin/Reis’ backstory but I forgot what it showed (chocolate scene?). They were drip fed across the game, so I’ll just talk about it in more depth when it’s relevant. Tita and Schwartz appearing first was amusing and gave some rare interactions. Jade Corridor has a nice atmosphere but gets boring fast. I think Schwartzritter revealed his name, which made me worry Loewe was sent to hell and brainwashed or something. I like how the Japanese name is just ‘Black Knight’. Phantasma was a bit random, but the garden was a relaxing hub at least. Seeing a demon from the Testaments was cool, gotta love that Septian church lore.
Chapter 2: Hooray for reused assets. It was kinda annoying watching everyone believe they were in the actual Grancel, but I guess that’s fair enough on Schwartz’s part. I was expecting to get Zin from the arena, so kinda freaked out when it turned out to be Joshua. Of course I immediately went to check his status screen art to see how it would compare to his incredible one in SC… and yikes. You have no idea how long I spent convincing myself those were normal body proportions from an unusual angle so that I wouldn’t go insane every time I saw it. I’m not really sure what the artist was thinking. Oh well, Joshua is Joshua, immediate permanent team member regardless. Anyway Gilbert being Gilbert, another cool demon, and of course Kloe. I respect them for not making me go through FC’s monstrous final dungeon again.
Chapter 3: A worse Jade Corridor. Um, some characters I forgot appeared. Facing fake Kevin/Ries was random. The explanation for Grimoires was moderately horrifying. I loved seeing Ries get pissed off at Kevin for repressing his true thoughts around her, and everyone else. His talk with Joshua was great, it’s nice to see someone actually does their research. Pretty sure Kevin was lying to himself about not caring for Estelle/Joshua at all, even if he did use them to his advantage.
Chapter 4: More reused assets. I’ll give them respect for mixing up the areas a little, the Autumn forest was nice. New dungeon music was solid too. I had to avoid screaming out loud when I saw a moon door for Estelle and Joshua. Gilbert made another Gilberty appearance. A fake Scherezard and Agate as bosses because why not. Finale was great, I loved the reveal of Kevin’s stigma. Talk about an awesome S-break. Ries coming in to help was sweet, I knew she wouldn’t let harm come to Kevin. At this point I started to suspect the Lord of Phantasma would be Kevin’s dark side (though I hoped it wouldn’t since that’s boring imo). And Estelle finally appeared! I knew she’d be the last one, and it was great to finally see her again. I didn’t realise how much I loved her until she was gone for so long.
Chapter 5: Estelle teaming up with Ries was very… Estelle. My opinion of this plane is the same as the other odd-numbered planes. I worked out Richard and Renne would join at some point based on the loading screens (I wish they didn’t spoil the playable characters in these), but it was awesome having some former antagonists join up. Especially Renne, I loved how she immediately threatened to slaughter everyone instead of acting out of character. Ries worsening the situation was good writing considering her position, and I loved seeing Tita resolve it ~~or more like the scene made me tear up~~. Once Renne is convinced to temporarily team up with them (her status screen art is amazing btw), she pretty easily solves the mystery behind Phantasma. I feel like we didn’t see much of her genius-side in SC due to her doing it mostly behind the scenes and being dependent on Loewe/Weissman, so it was cool to see here. Celeste appearing (or at least her copy) was awesome, I didn’t think I’d actually see her outside of exposition dumps, and expected the voice to be some generic fairy thing.
Chapter 6: Phew, this was far longer than I expected. I almost missed some party dialogue since I didn’t realise it changed after finishing each monument, but thankfully I keep an excessive amount of save files. I’m pretty shocked to hear Renne has 3 doctorates at her age, but she is shown to be far smarter than some of the smartest characters in the party (at least in terms of theory/logic) so I suppose it’s not too unbelievable. Fighting copies of characters that are forced to fight by the big bad is kinda silly and fan servicey (no not that kind), but I had fun with them so I’ll let it mostly slide. Fighting Philip and Kilika and actually getting to see them in action was awesome – they have amazing S-breaks. I couldn’t believe Cassius was a guardian, and it definitely wasn’t an easy fight (I play on easy so that doesn’t happen often). His S-break was awesome of course (this reminds me of getting hyped for Mystic Artes in Tales games). Fighting three enforcers at once was kinda nuts, and I loved the remixed enforcer battle theme. And then of course there’s the Loewe battle (I brought Renne and Estelle along for this obviously). I’m sad I had to fight him again… and watch him die again. Please stop bullying me Falcom ;_;. At least Joshua got the chance to give him a proper goodbye, plus Karin’s appearance was placed perfectly (almost missed it). I like to believe these feelings were passed onto the real Loewe. I’m still salty he’s dead, but this lessens the blow a little. Just a little.
Chapter 7: Exploring the Aster house was nice. It was a very comfy and sad place. This is where Kevin dumps the details on Ries, so I suppose I can give my opinion on all the backstory revealed up to here. I loved slowly finding out more info on Kevin throughout the game, and it was difficult to watch since the story makes no attempt to hide the fact that Rufina is dead in the present. The chocolate scene was cute, it was nice seeing them all grow up together, and I really appreciated the writers for avoiding a cliched and… unnecessary romance/love triangle and kept it purely familial for Kevin’s relationships with both girls. Romantic tragedy is overdone. Kevin’s mother attempting to kill him was messed up (and not unrealistic either :/), and it’s so sad he blamed himself for her suicide. Rufina is so sweet (like your usual died-in-a-flashback character) and I’m sad she was forced to sacrifice herself to save Kevin and Ries’ lives. I liked how they made a point about her not being one to sacrifice herself unless there was no other possibility, it’s just a nice touch. ~~She also interacted with Loewe and reached a truce with him which immediately puts her up in my book.~~ Kevin punishing himself for Rufina’s death is sad. Everything about Kevin’s story is sad, no melodrama included. As for Rufina being the Lord, well the idea was at the back of my head so I wasn’t hugely surprised. It also didn’t leave any impact on me since I quickly worked out it was just Kevin’s stigma’s copy using her as a mask to manipulate Kevin (Ries seemed to work out it wasn’t her sister immediately but then later starts to believe it is for some reason? That confused me). Ries being dragged to Gehenna was frustrating (talk about breaking your own rules), and I’m happy Kevin jumped in after her.
Gehenna… yikes. This was pretty clearly inspired by religious interpretations of hell, and damn is it messed up. What happens to the people sent her is cruel, no other words for it. The chests all having the default message… true despair. Seeing the bishop behind the Aster House incident and his motive goes to show how much destruction the most minor of things can create. The flesh eating kid was pretty fucked up. I’d like to know ~~the grandmaster~~ Aidios’ reasoning for this, because sending him to Gehenna seems unfair. Reminds me of Fullmetal Alchemist’s infamous scene. I feel bad for Kevin’s mother since she was screwed over in life and fell victim to the weakness in her heart. I was waiting for Weissman to appear, and he didn’t disappoint with his usual cleverness with words (and failed again due to his purely logical and cynical perspective on humans... aka he's a fucking sociopath). Kevin awakening his light stigma was epic – I love how there’s two sides to it to represent the two sides to his heart. Super epic seeing everyone run in to save the two! Man the sense of unity with the cast is something else. It was great seeing Kevin finally accept the cast, and develop as a character.
Final Chapter: The size of Phantasma is ridiculous. I haven’t seen a map of the Zemurian continent yet (anyone have a good one?), but assuming Liberl is pretty small… wow. Gilbert doing something relevant was a nice surprise. I love the look of the castle from the outside – reminds me of Alice in Wonderland. Splitting everyone up so that nobody is left behind is a cool idea, though I wish the game divided the groups itself to allow for more dialogue (way too many possible combinations to allow for anything substantial on one playthrough, even by this series’ standards). The music for the dungeon is epic (I’d put it up there with FC’s and above SC’s), and I love how all the chests have encouraging messages + thank yous from the staff. The three palette swap bosses weren’t hugely interesting but they were fun to fight. Rufina not being Rufina and actually being the copy of Kevin’s stigma created by the Aurole was unsurprising as I mentioned earlier. Anima is… well I’ll discuss that later, but he looks cool enough. Final boss music was great - this series is really good at using musical motifs across its soundtracks. The final scene with Rufina was nice, and it was sad seeing Ries and Kevin say goodbye to her.
The final goodbye was the best part. Seeing everyone leave was incredibly sad, and I liked how they became more personal as the group shrunk. And wait, are Olivier and Scherazard a thing? This went completely over my head during the game… but it actually makes quite a bit of sense. I’d ship it. I really liked how Celeste mentioned how similar Kloe is to her past self, it explains why their DNA match was so close ontop of them being blood related. Renne’s scene was very sad, the poor girl has been through so much she doesn’t know how to deal with pure kindness. I’m looking forward to seeing her arc resolved in the Crossbell games. Estelle crying created a chain reaction ;_;. I love Estelle, she’s one of the best takes I’ve seen on a hot-blooded shounen protagonist. Oh and when Ries said “aren’t we forgetting someone?” I went into a fit of laughter - I’d also forgotten Gilbert existed until she mentioned that. I wouldn’t say I’m looking forward to seeing him again, but I know it’s inevitable. It was nice seeing Kevin checkup on everyone post-credits, and ask to change his title. I really like Ein from what I’ve seen of her, and I’m assuming she’s going to be relevant in later entries.
Overall: So yeah, the main story was pretty awesome overall. I loved seeing Kevin and Ries develop, and they were great protagonists to follow. Definitely would like to see more appearences from them, and I’ve heard Crossbell For the ridiculous size of the cast, they were handled fairly well even if they didn’t have too much relevance to the actual plot (if you’ve played Tales of Xillia 2, that’s a good example of doing it all horribly wrong). However I was very disappointed with the antagonistic force. I had my fair share of problems with Weissman being pure evil, but unlike Anima at least he had a personality. Anima is just kinda boring and I’ll probably forget about him quite quickly. The cryptic nonsense he spouts throughout the game is eyerolling, and his goal is… generic. I didn’t like how all the other villains were copies forced to fight, since there’s no agency involved. I feel like Loewe being Schwarzritter had far too little payoff for how much they built it up. Phantasma is also kinda weird - feels jarringly out of place in the Trails universe and unnecessarily tacked on to the Aurole plot. I’m assuming it doesn’t become relevant again. The story also felt far too dragged out in the early-middle chapters, which was disappointing after that amazing prologue.
But all that aside, it was a wonderful goodbye to the series. I only realised afterwards that the goodbyes from the characters were also directed at me. I might not be able to see some of them after this, and I don’t want the journey to end, but the Trails world must move on and Liberl’s story must eventually come to an end. It’s surreal not having anymore Sky games to play, after slowly making my way through them for the past half year (most of that being FC haha). The credits music was by far my favourite out of the trilogy.

The Doors

Now onto the best part of the game – magic sidestory doors! Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the main story, but the doors were so much better. Basically everything I wanted after SC. I wouldn’t have cared if the whole game was just doors honestly.
Moon Door 1 - Orbal Gear Project: Erica’s hatred for Agate was hilarious. I died when the screen inverted and slowly panned to her when Tita announced Agate would be coming for dinner. Anyway, the main focus was on Tita wanting to reach Renne’s level to catch up to her, and it was really sweet. I like how her parents refused to let their daughter join in on the project at first, and how Tita understood their perspective but eventually convinced them. What a wonderful understanding family <3. Tita’s father is pretty chill, basically the opposite to Erica. I loved his discussion with Agate, always nice to see people clearing up understandings like sane people as opposed to contrived drama. Erica trolling Agate in the experiment was amusing, although I bet she secretly felt bad when he was hurt trying to save Tita. Overall this did wonders for Tita’s character development, and Agate’s to a lesser extent.
Moon Door 2 – Client: Scherazard and Aina backstory! Many Trails characters (especially older ones) have already undergone a significant amount of character development when you meet them, so it was nice to see pre-development Schera. Seeing her constantly terrified of returning to her younger days and how that affected her was very sad, and it’s nice to see she’s moved on in the present and doesn't need that defense mechanism anymore. I’m impressed at how good the writers are at creating realistic characters. Aina ended up being far more interesting than I expected, I’m sad she had to see the ugly side of humans. I was expecting her to give away the inheritance, but it was still a great moment. I already was a big fan of Schera, and this made me love her even more.
Moon Door 3 – Descended Wings: Yay, more Kloe. I loved seeing her first year in the academy, and her identity crisis was interesting. I’m happy Lechter stopped her from distancing herself and gave her the push to make friends with Jill and Hans. Her refusal to go to the Orphanage was understandable, but it’s nice to see she eventually realised going there wasn’t a sign of weakness. Also I keep forgetting she’s an orphan, so I never really considered how much she must relate to the kids at the orphanage. It was lovely seeing Jill come to the orphanage and reach an understanding. Lechter is interesting for how much wiser he is than he acts, and I suspect he’s been through a lot. It was also nice to see an epilogue to this in Star Door 8.
Moon Door 4 – Departure: I was hoping there would be a door for Joshua and Estelle, and I kinda freaked out when I saw a moon door with them on it. I was hoping this would be more of an epilogue to their arcs in FC and SC, but it was even better than I expected. Seeing Joshua so distant as a young kid was too sad, and I admire Estelle’s insane persistence. Joshua looking after the twins was ADORABLE, and it was so sweet seeing him calm them to sleep with his harmonica. It was kinda sad seeing him respond to the mother’s request like it was a mission from Ouroboros – it must have been difficult for him to reintegrate back into a normal everyday life. Estelle’s obsession with bugs was incredibly funny, and I like how Joshua eventually just went with it. It upsets me to think he could’ve left Estelle that long ago… I’m so happy he stayed. Also was nice to see Estelle wasn’t completely oblivious, and just wanted to cheer him up. Estelle is too perfect. I loved the goodbye scene on the ship, it was so cute seeing the twins upset about Joshua leaving. His convo with Cassius was a nice touch (also amusing how Estelle still doesn’t get it).
Moon Door 5 – The Happiness Stone: What the fuck even was this. Actually, let me start with the nice part – it was super cool having Mary as the protagonist (she was my favourite orphanage kid), and I love how obsessed she got with the happiness stone hunt despite being against it at first. I was worried when Polly disappeared, and even more worried when Mary lost her way in Krone Pass. It was a relief seeing the baby dragon help her out, and keep her company. When Mary fell off the broken bridge I completely freaked out, and it was so so SO relieving to see the baby dragon save her. It was great to see Mary ended up completely unharmed, and they were able to give a gift to the matron (that CG was super sweet). And that’s all well and good… but what’s the baby dragon about?! It appears when fog is around, and disappears when the fog is gone. I thought it was an illusion at first, but there’s just too much evidence disproving that. I have no idea what the happiness stone is either, surely the legend isn’t fully real right? Usually these stories end with the lesson that you shouldn’t believe in legends because the present is more important bla bla bla, but this one went in the complete opposite direction at the last second. Also the Arena calls it a younger Ragnard… wut??? This door left me with a lot of questions, and I’m curious to see if later games address it – I mean surely they have to right?
Sun Door 1 – Capua’s Delivery Service: Omfg I hated this minigame, had to go down to easy to barely beat it. Gilbert’s English voice infuriates me now. The story itself was nice, I felt bad for Josette when they lost Joshua’s letter, and their backstory was sad. It was nice to see them get more depth (I remember when they were comedic villains in FC… wow that was a long time ago). Also great to see they actually started a business, and Josette’s crush on Joshua is cute (someone’s built up a harem).
Sun Door 2 – Legendary Angler Estelle: Ok this was pretty funny. I had trouble with Mr Fisher until I searched up a method to steamroll him. I loved how nonsensical and over the top this was, and it was nice seeing that fishing npc woman again (Noiche? Her subplot with her husband was great).
Sun Door 3 – Arena: I’ve already mentioned the younger Ragnard, so only thing to talk about is that hax final round. I’m lucky I was playing on easy, because I’d have to do a crazy amount of prep to win that on harder difficulties. Seriously, Loewe and Cassius? Talk about broken. Actually this makes me curious about Enforcer I (I heard they appear in CS2), but I guess that’s a while away.
Sun Door 4 – The Casino: I still have yet to read the book for this (only read Carnelia) so I’ll get to that at some point. But yeah, without context this was kinda random but not bad. I found Jack easier to beat than the girl amusingly. Also am I supposed to be the MC here? First person in Trails feels… odd.
Sun Door 5 – Campanella’s Quiz Game: This was fun, though some of the harder questions were BS I doubt even the developers remember. Campanella’s costumes were funny ~~and cute~~, and the chibi Weissman on the titlescreen was glorious. I’d like to know what Campanella is doing here, but I’ve learnt you’re better off not questioning him.
Star Door 1 – Julia’s Day Off: Characterization for Julia? I’m in. It was great seeing her worries on how she should serve Klaudia in the future, and I was looking forward to her finally meeting her fan club (which was hilarious). Her discussion with Mueller was great ~~I’d ship it~~ and it was nice seeing them compare Oliviert and Klaudia. Her decision to serve her from afar was sweet, and that tea scene was awwwwww. I honestly was never too invested in Julia, but this completely changed that.
Star Door 2 – The Salt Pale: Incredibly interesting info. I’m not sure what the Salt Pale was, but I don’t think Ouroboros was behind it. I’m assuming this is going to be revealed later in the series. The amount of people that died from this was surprising. It’s interesting to hear that both the Northern Jaegers and Weissman experienced this incident, which might explain their cooperation. Kinda messed up to have Weissman killed by the same thing that killed his family, but not entirely undeserved either.
Star Door 3 – The Banquet: I immediately knew what this was when I saw which characters I needed. Joshua talking with everyone and tying up loose ends was exactly what I needed ~~plus having his sexy af SC portrait back was ahhhhh~~. Estelle and Josette competing over food was amazing – I love how they immediately shut Joshua down when he tries to break them up. It was cute how oblivious Joshua was to Kloe’s feelings, I laughed when he thought she was angry. I’m surprised at but proud of her for straight up confessing, thought she might be vague and confuse Joshua but I guess the writers are better than that. Of course Joshua immediately shuts her down (in the nicest way possible <3), and she’s finally able to move on. Her mean-spirited teasing was funny, and Estelle having no idea what to do with herself when she realises what’s going on was cute. Usually love triangles are used by incompetent writers to create contrived drama, so seeing one where all characters involved resolve it normally and all of them grow from the experience is just… magnificent. Falcom’s writing team needs to infiltrate almost every writing team on the planet and teach them to git gud.
Star Door 4 – Journey’s End: I wasn’t completely satisfied with Kilika being a stone cold lady who doesn’t give a damn, so it was nice to see her humanized more. Seeing her struggle with a decision was rare considering her insane mental strength, and it was nice seeing Zin push her over the edge. Her story on travelling aimlessly to find a way to use the dojo’s technique without fighting was interesting, wouldn’t mind a spinoff of that. Now that I think about it, I really liked Kilika – looking forward to seeing her in the eventual Calvard arc. Actually add Cochrane to that list, she’s quite charismatic.
Star Door 5 – Swordsmanship: Anelace gets a door to herself, while Kurt and Grant only appear as side characters in one, and Carna doesn’t appear in any? Seems legit. Anyway it was nice finding out about why she uses the sword and about her grandfather, and I loved her conversation with Cassius, as well as her fight with Richard. She grew on me a lot with the prologue to SC, so I’m happy she’s getting development. Would like to see her grandfather too, he seems like an interesting character.
Star Door 6 – Training, Agate-Style: I’m not really the biggest fan of these guys, but it was nice to see them improve their teamwork. Rocco is such a tsundere. Hope they become senior bracers eventually.
Star Door 7 – The Epstein Foundation: More interesting info. Nice to hear where Professor Russel came from, and this explains why Liberl is more technologically advanced than other nations. I’m looking forward to seeing the other two in the future.
Star Door 8 – Return to the Empire: Wow, this one ended up being crazier than I expected. Feels like the prelude to Cold Steel. This does a fantastic job at illustrating how terrifying Osborne is – I definitely wasn’t expecting him to end his trip out of the blue and travel to Grancel. His conversation with Oliviert was cool, I like how they both slowly dropped the formalities and became more blunt as it went on. Queen Alicia handled the situation scarily well, but that’s the queen for you. I feel kinda bad for the ambassador, poor guy. Lechter become a secretary of Osborne was surprising – I was even more surprised when they both completely dropped formalities when talking to each other on the airship (I have my suspicions on this and I’ll talk more about it in Star Door 14). I was going to get annoyed at Lechter for pretending not to know Kloe, but I realised he was messing around when he gave her that ridiculous name. Lechter of course didn’t explain the full details, and instead encouraged Kloe which he’s always good at. The party speculate that he may have been spying on Liberl for Erebonia at the time, but I’m not completely sure that they’re correct here. Anyway, unlike Weissman and Anima, Osborne seems like the kind of villain I love (revolutionary extremist with good intentions but sketchy methods? Count me in!), and I’m excited to see more of him in Cold Steel.
Star Door 9 – Like a Mother: This was a funny misunderstanding. Maybelle’s worrying over Lila not telling her about her new ‘boyfriend’, hiring Anelace to investigate him (and get the complete wrong impression), and then thinking Lila is suddenly going to marry him was a glorious chain of events. I’m impressed at how well Lila handled it. I did the sidequest about Lila’s family in SC, so I hope they eventually get (or got) the chance to visit them. Plz stop being a workaholic Maybelle
Star Door 10 – Gordias-Class Experiment Report: Most of this kinda went over my head, but it was interesting seeing how Renne acquired Pater-Mater. Thankfully she didn’t end up like those other poor test subjects (I hope they weren’t forced into it). I’m not sure whether Professor Novartis is one of the professors from the Epstein Foundation, but I suspect he’s… well I’ll get to that in Star Door 14.
Star Door 11 – Phantom Thief B Report: Good to see the Erebonian intelligence division is looking into this. His ideal to steal things that have their value taken for granted is interesting, though I’m a little worried about this lady he’s eloped with (please tell me it’s consensual -__-). I assume Y and Z can be safely ignored and X is the true answer. Interesting backstory, and good explanation for why he’s so… ‘unique’. I feel like we’re not done with him yet.
Star Door 12 – I Accept Your Request: Great to see what Richard and Kanone are up to! An intellegence business for the public is really cool, and I’m guessing he’ll show up later (Calvard arc?). It’s nice to see Kanone finally happy with her situation. His meeting with the former-intelligence member was interesting, and it’s good to see he isn’t completely removed from facing consequences (good world building). Unlike Cassius I don’t think he’ll join the army ever again – that path doesn’t seem to work for him based on how he still doesn’t fully regret the coup detat he caused.
Star Door 13 – Assault on the Imperial Guilds: Oh my, Cassius has a stalking club. In all seriousness, cool to see what he was doing during FC. His plan to take down Jester (I think that was the name) was clever, and it’s nice to see the Empire is reasonable enough to help out. The intelligence division raising him to the highest threat level is unsurprising, Cassius is a horrifying enemy to face. I wonder what they’d think of the Grandmaster. Really looking forward to seeing more of the intelligence division in Cold Steel.
Star Door 15 – Paradise: I’m sure at least some of you skipped to this, and welp, it would be my pleasure. Putting this door at the bottom of The Abyss was fitting, because holy shit this was by far the most fucked up thing I’ve seen in this series. When I heard about how dark Renne’s backstory was, I thought my expectations were fucked up enough, but apparently not. This door was far too well-written for its own good – the use of an unreliable narrator was very immersive and drags you in screaming and kicking whether you like it or not. It was very disturbing seeing what was happening to the kids, and the irony of ‘Paradise’ was immediately clear (the implications were more frighteningly obvious than I expected). Beating up a young meek boy, older men committing sexual acts of depravity on a polite young girl, the strong boy being the most popular… ‘fucking disgusting’ doesn’t even begin to describe this. Seeing them all slowly break and disappear was awful, and I was worried Renne would eventually have to go. I assumed the others were going even when she got called out, though I was kinda confused about how they were getting away with that (maybe the sick bastards weren’t paying attention to their faces?). Cross taking on every 'job' and slowly growing insane, taking it out on Renne, was horrible. And then Renne finally had to go – this is when I thought the true horror of this story would begin. Just as I assumed, the other kids seemed to have gone instead of Renne, but surely Renne looks completely different to them. How could they assume they all were Renne? Oh wow, Loewe and Joshua are here already, thank goodness this story didn’t go as badly as I thought it…
The facade of Renne’s unreliable narration then breaks, and the truth is revealed. I felt legitimately sick when I saw the ‘crosses’ on Renne’s body and realised the implications. I was confused when it repeated all the dialogue each kid spoke with ‘~Renne’ at the end… but holy fuck. She was really in the room all alone, isolated from any other kids, and created four fake personalities to not go insane from the constant molesting, beating and rape. They withered away due to not being able to take the pain, and she held onto Cross the longest, etching him into her very flesh. Cross wanted Renne to kill him because he was enduring all the pain himself, as a fictional persona… wow. Just wow. I can guess what the ‘syrup’ was, but I’d honestly rather not talk about it. Renne’s brain is absolutely insane to be able to create so many fake personas to transfer her suffering onto – I feel like most people could only mentally distance themselves from what’s happening to their body at best.
I watched the Beta version of the door, and it’s kinda dry and a disrespectful way to handle the topic, so I’m happy they heavily changed it. I suppose there were kids in other rooms based on what’s said there… and the fact we never hear about them has some sad implications. I actually really respect Falcom for bringing up such a heavy topic like child trafficking/prostitution, because as sickening as it is, this happens in real life all the time. Rather than pretending it never happens, as painful as it is, it’s better that people are aware of the horrific situations some children are forced into – it’s reality. I’m disappointed to hear that other versions try and censor it, but I suppose Falcom didn’t have a choice considering Sony’s platforms would have stricter regulations.
I did hear something about her parents [which I think is a Zero spoiler so I’ll mark it,] that they thought she was dead. This is far more sympathetic, and I’m looking forward to getting a more detailed explanation in Zero.
Star Door 14 – Phantasmal Blaze: Phew, something less depressing. Now this one was hype! I played with voices, so I imagine I got a fair bit more info from this door than people who didn’t. Blueblanc and Walter showing respect to Loewe and wondering about Renne & Luciora’s fates was nice, I love villain camaraderie. I’m pretty sure Luciora is alive now. It was hilarious how they didn’t mention Weissman at all – makes sense they didn’t care for him honestly, he was a biiiiiit sociopathic. Campanella bullying the soldiers to get through was amusing, but I definitely wasn’t expecting him to jump right into a meeting with all the Anguis and the Grandmaster. I knew he was important within Ouroboros, but wow.
Now about the Anguis. Firstly, I suspect Professor Novartis is the 6th Anguis, based on how he cares about Pater-Mater and seems to have a major influence over the thirteen factories. Also he’s a professor… so yeah. Secondly I suspect 4th Anguis is Lechter – they both have similar speaking styles, and while the EVO voice is a little different, from what I’ve heard it’s not too reliable so I’ll take it with a grain of salt and focus more on what’s being said. If I were to guess based on voice I’d say the 1st Anguis, but his speaking style is very different. I’m assuming the 7th Anguis is the one shown in Loewe Monogatari? Have yet to read it but I might now, curious in finding more about her. Also the grandmaster… wow it’s almost like she’s screaming "I’m Aidios!". Not sure how accurate her voice is (sounds kinda… cutesy), but she certainly sounds benevolent and surprisingly respectful. I like how Weissman is basically a joke among them – even the grandmaster seems concerned about his methods (and blames herself, how noble of you Aidios). In all seriousness I’d prefer it wasn’t Aidios since that’s a big jrpg trope and would be a little obvious, but I guess it could work. No clue who the other Anguis could be, but I’ve heard the 2nd is revealed so interested in meeting her.
Anyway, phew, that’s everything I wanted to say. Oh actually not quite: the soundtrack was incredible, and 'Overdosing Heavenly Bliss' is glorious. Thank you if you managed to read everything, or at least some of it. I’ll probably read Loewe Monogatari soon since I need my Loewe fix, and take a break until Geofront’s editing of Zero is done. A few questions:

Does the PC version of Zero have a turbo mode? I mean I probably could survive without it, but… it wouldn’t be easy
There seems to be both a Japanese and Chinese PC version of Zero, but only a Chinese version of Ao. Is there any difference between these?
Is there a good non-spoilery map of Zemuria?
When will Cold Steel 3 come out in- kidding kidding, hopefully an announcement isn’t too far away

Tl;dr: Main story is great, doors are amazing, great epilogue to wrap up the trilogy, and Star Door 15 is pure despair.

My thoughts and review of Persona 5 (and why I loved it so much)

The Intro

If you have not played Persona 5, please do so before reading this and it is a fantastic game that is absolutely worth experiencing knowing as little as possible and this post will contain heavy spoilers for Persona 5 in its entirety as well as some very light spoilers for Persona 3 and 4 but really nothing beyond character names and some allusion to events.
Also quick background, I watched a streamed playthrough of Persona 4 Golden last June and July, played Persona 3 FES back in February and March of this year, and then played Persona 5 for the second half of July. I have no experience with Persona 1 or either version of Persona 2 nor do I have any experience with the spin-offs outside of seeing very little gameplay and hearing some music.
And as for Persona 5, I played the entirety of the game on easy mode across about 2 weeks from July 16th to July 31st on a PS3 I borrowed from a friend after buying my own copy of the game. I maxed out my social links with Mishima, Takemi, Makoto, Ann and Futaba though Chihaya’s was at level 9. I also named Joker Ren Amamiya because canon. Anyways, here are my thoughts on Persona 5.
I don't think it's an overstatement to say that Persona 5 is one of my favorite games of all time. I don't quite know where it stands on my list yet, but I absolutely adore this game. I knew I would love it, but I didn't know I'd love it this much. So let's start with the game’s main cast which I honestly think is the series best so far.

The Characters

With P3, I found most of the cast to not be very likable characters, in P4, I was never really a fan of Teddie, but here I just like and feel for each of these characters in some way. And yeah, I know that most hate goes to Morgana but I honestly like his character. I know there's the whole meme of him forcing you to go to sleep, but I still feel like they pulled off the idea of a guide character really well. And while yeah, it doesn't always make the most sense for him to tell you to go right to sleep, doing so after exploring a palace makes sense since the game does demonstrate several times that use of a Persona is exhausting. Otherwise, yeah, talking with your friends and sending out a calling card really shouldn't tire you out. But, I digress. Morgana also comes into some criticism for the whole arc of running away from the Phantom Thieves. And while a lot of that comes from the bouts he had with Ryuji, there was a legit problem with communication with the team and I don't think it really just comes down to Morgana just whining and running off. Another part of it is just his feeling useless and insufficient which is a very real character flaw that did make his character feel more real. I did start to care for the cat.
And that's just one character, I know everyone has their favorites, and I'll get to that, but for now, I'll just go through the cast in the order they join the Phantom Thieves. First off though, I do like that they're all outcasts in some way.
Ryuji Sakamoto starts off as a troublemaker that people don't want to associate with and while his character doesn't evolve all that much, he’s still just a fun guy to be around and the Phantom Thieves just wouldn't feel the same without him. I actually did enjoy the banter between him and Morgana and it's one of those relationships where you can tell that deep down, they really do care about each other despite all the insults. One of my favorite Mementos interactions is the one where Ryuji starts singing and Morgana continues it to the next verse. Also, I did get baited and thought that they had actually killed him off after Shido’s Palace. He was a long standing member of the team and had he died he would've died heroically. I'm fine with it not happening, but it would've been a crazy twist for the end of the game.
Ann Takamaki is a foreigner who doesn't see her parents much and always has rumors spread about her. All she really has is her best friend Shiho who ends up taking her own life due to Kamoshida and gives Ann a reason to fight for justice as she does in the Phantom Thieves. And I actually really like this arc. Also, I totally ship her and Ryuji. Maybe part of it is just because they were two founding members of the Phantom Thieves and as such know each other for the entire game, but they just have really good chemistry and I just see them ending up together. And also she cried the most for him ehen they thought he was dead. And speaking of Ann, Shiho Suzui. She's nice, she's cute, she has a ponytail, and she's voiced by Christine Marie Cabanos. She has everything I look for in a girl. She talks to Joker once and tells him to hang in there and that he's probably a good guy. And then she jumps off a building and you never see her again unless you do Ann’s Level 9 Confidant. It's just sad because while she could've stuck around and been a great supporter to the Phantom Thieves at Shujin, she is ultimately just used as a plot device to get Ann to join the Phantom Thieves and she just deserves to be more than that.
Anyways, Yusuke Kitagawa is a guy. For me, Yusuke was a guy who said a few things throughout the story and otherwise really wasn't there. He was super important for Madarame's Palace, but otherwise, he just seemed to fall back into the background. And a lot of that is because I just didn't care for his character so he wasn't on my team and I didn't hang out with him. His character is fine and he has some fun moments like the undressing scene with Ann or his lobsters or just the fact that he is a broke artist.
Next up, is my Queen, Makoto Niijima. I just really love her character and she was the one I decided to date. And I'm actually going to go ahead and bring up Futaba who seems to be the most popular choice in terms of who to date. And from what I understand, a lot of that is relatability. She holes herself in her room most of the time and cool, I can totally relate to doing that. But I don't blame myself for something and think I should be dead. And I also don't have crippling social anxiety. And that's fine, I don't necessarily have to relate to a character to like them and I understand that a lot of people feel that connection to Futaba because of relatability. And I still really like Futaba’s character, she's a lot of fun, but I just felt a lot more of a connection to Makoto. Her main conflict is that she was so into her studies that she didn't really understand the world. And she just kind of listens to adults and do what they want. And her character growth across her Confidant had a clear focus and just felt real. I don't really want to get to much into my own life, but the sort of things Makoto feels. Sometimes I feel like I'm too into games and honestly don't know much about the world around me. Sometimes I question if I'm doing and pursuing what I want to do or if I'm just doing what adults ask. And while the latter is much more high school-specific, but best girl is always something that is completely subjective and always comes down to personal preference and perspective. And also, I see Futaba much more as a younger sister to Ren than as a potential love interest since both characters have a father figure in Sojiro.
Technically, the final member of the Phantom Thieves is Haru Okumura, who is honestly pretty great and I regret not having the time to get her Confidant to level 10 because I didn't realize just how good she was until Shido’s Palace and at that point, I still didn't have max proficiency so there was really nothing I could do. Haru is just cute, Her style, her voice, the way she yells “PERSONA!”, it just all makes my heart melt. And even though her father is just a complete scumbag, she still cares for him and wants to see him improve. She doesn't turn her head away and genuinely wants to help him. And that's really admirable considering that he wants to get her married to a guy who basically abuses her. And also she's hecking cute. So that helps a lot.
But, the there’s also Goro Akechi. And I'll be honest in that I really don't like this guy. Him being a traitor is something you could pretty easily guess from a mile away. And the whole 1,000,000 coins thing at the Casino Palace was pretty clever, I just never really enjoyed his character. He was pretty much completely against the Phantom Thieves for the entire game and I could just never really trust him. I really don't have much else to say. He literally shoots you to death if you sell out your friends (which didn't seem to be a bad idea sends Sae already knew all of their names and that they were connected to you). Yeah, he has a redemption and saves you by killing himself and then killing himself again. So he saves the Thieves, but we also probably would've been fine anyways. Like it seemed like the Cognitive Goro was more interesting in going after the real Goro and even still, it wouldn't have been a stretch for the Phantom Thieves to take down Cognitive Goro. Anyways, I just never really liked the guy.
So that's it for the characters is what I would be saying if there weren't a ton of other characters who have Confidants. And before I get to the characters, I just want to comment on just how Confidants are just the perfect evolution of Social Links. The benefits they give are actually incredibly helpful and even further incentivizes talking to different characters.
I only got Sojiro to Level 3, but even still he is a great father figure to the protagonist and just a cool dude. Mishima is a guy just trying to have confidence in himself and improve the world and that is something I can relate to. He kind of messes up at times, but I do relate to that and I just can't hate the guy. Hifumi is pretty cute as well and it's admirable how she just loves her sport and wants to improve. I like her arc and she has interesting development. Tae Takemi is a fun one as well. She just wants to help the world, but she was set up and just does what she can now. She just felt real to me. Chihaya also has an interesting arc and I love the concept of a fortune teller with a gift learning how to not just accept fate and instead trying to change it. Yoshida never interested me that much to continue, but his does seem interesting at the very least. Ohya is… very drunk. all the time as far as I can tell. Kawakami was good, but for whatever reason, I just never felt like getting her Confidant past Level 6 and I'm not entirely sure why. I don't really know anything about Iwai, but I do know that a kid on probation smuggling weapons is a really bad idea. And there's also that gamer kid that I never actually started because I never went to the arcade. I guess “Igor” and the Twin Wardens are also Confidants. The twins are fine, I mean I've never really been that big of a fan of the Velvet Room helpers anyways, and they function fine in that role.

The Sound

Honestly, I just never got used to Igor’s new voice. I get that it had to be different for the twist to work and doesn't bother me that much. But, even when real Igor came back at the very end, it just felt like a cheap imitation of Dan Woren’s fantastic Igor voice. I get that they changed his voice actor in Japan because Isamu Tanonaka died before full development on P5 even started and David Lodge is fine as Yaldabaoth Igor, but bringing back Dan Woren for the end of the game as True Igor for the English dub shouldn't have been an issue. And hey, I'm talking about the voice cast now, specifically the English voice cast because that's my personal preference. So I really don't have much to say on the voice cast. I think a majority of the voice acting is really solid. I think they picked a lot of great actors for roles that they fit. I've seen several interviews with the voice cast of this game and a good majority of them indicate that they related to the character in some way and really enjoyed their time working on Persona 5. And it shows. And I know this technically doesn't count as voice acting, but Lyn Inaizumi absolutely nailed the singing in this. She is probably my favorite Persona singer at this point. Almost every single lyrical track impressed me in some way with her voice.
So now we're talking music, I guess. Though before I move on from characters, I want to praise Shigenori Soejima’s character design and artwork. The character designs and outfits for each character look really nice and I also just really love what they did with the metaverse costumes and how they portray each character and their personalities. But, anyways, in terms of music: Shoji Meguro never disappoints. This game has exactly what I would expect of Persona music in that it's all fantastic. But at the same time, I was still just blown away everytime I heard a new track. Especially Rivers in the Desert. Hearing that track for the first time during something as climactic as the Shido battle. I had heard so many good things about the track and it finally playing there was just one of the game’s best moments. And Lyn’s singing also set the tone really well in tandem with the music itself. And Hoshi To Bokura To (the credits music) got me teary eyed. The high notes she held (specifically the “yo” at about 1:17 (that was the one that pushed me to tears)) are just full of emotion and just pulled my emotions out at the end of the game. Last Surprise as an incredible battle theme that I am still am not tired of. Life Will Change is also really incredible and is the perfect music leading up to the Palace fights. And I'll get to the palaces in a second, but for now, since there are just so many fantastic songs, here is a quick runthrough of my other favorite Persona 5 songs: Alleycat (also full of emotion), Ark, Beneath the Mask, Blooming Villain (it’s an excellent boss theme), Butterfly Kiss, Confession, Days of Sisters, The Days When My Mother Was There (perfectly represents the character of Futaba and her struggles), Escape, Keeper of Lust. Layer Cake, Life Goes On (probably the best exam music in the series), Memories of a Summer Day, New Beginning (not much to add, it just puts me in a good mood), Nothingness, Phantom, Price (it’s so so good and a really great palace theme, probably my favorite), Regret (really cool emotional mix of Blooming Villain), Sunset Bridge, Swear to my Bones (more emotion), Sweet (really nice theme for spending romantic time with your favorite girl), Tokyo Daylight, Welcome Home Master (way better than I'd ever expect music in a maid cafe to be), and finally Whims of Fate (also a really good palace theme, the singing is also fantastic here (also I probably should have mentioned how good Benjamin Franklin is at writing lyrics, they're great)). Persona soundtracks are super hard to rank since they have so many songs and have different styles, but Persona 5’s soundtrack is definitely worthy of the name. Shoji Meguro is just such an incredible composer. (Also there's that part of Life Will Change that reuses that part of Wake Up, Get Up, Get Out There and it's just really great) And the sound effects are good, there's that too.

The Story

So I guess I should talk about the story now. Oh boy, time to strap on, this will probably be a long one. And now's probably the time to mention that I got spoiled on some things either before or during the game because I use the Internet and I get curious sometimes: Goro Akechi is a traitor (pretty predictable), Igor isn't actually Igor (subtle, but it is a predictable twist), Futaba is the fourth palace (I got this spoiled like a few minutes before it happened and I kinda had a feeling anyways), Haru’s last name is Okumura (I predicted this one, but then I saw Haru’s last name, so I didn't technically get spoiled since I guessed, it but it was still spoiled before it was revealed in game), Shido has a palace (I was pretty positive on this one, but when I mentioned I was on the sixth palace, a friend asked if that one was Shido’s palace), and finally: the final palace is in Mementos (another predictable one I learned pretty soon before I went there in game). Anyways, here are my thoughts on the story.
The Beginning
Starting the game in the middle of the action without any sort of tutorials is really cool. It's just “alright, go, escape the palace" and that's honestly a great opening. And then you get arrested and drugged and interrogated. And then you learn that Ren has a criminal record and then you just become concerned for this guy. I genuinely cared for the protagonist and what happened to him and that was set up really well pretty early on. Also, I really love the idea of a guy like Sojiro taking you in in Tokyo of all places, it’s nice to see the game take place in Tokyo which just really makes the world feel alive. On the first day with full free time, I just explored every nook and cranny I could in Tokyo and it was just a lot of fun. And it slowly expanding throughout the game is great.
Kamoshida’s Castle
Overall, this is a really solid first dungeon. I like that first day and the fact that you ended up being super late for school and setting a really bad first impression and again, built up my concern for Ren. I was also pretty surprised about him just bloodily ripping the mask off his face. This happens less and less when more people join your team, but I did not expect that in the awakening process. Eventually “Vulgar Boy" (yeah, it’s Ryuji, but i love that the game calls him that) also awakens to his Persona and so does Ann and since Morgana also joins your team, that gives you a full team before you really start exploring the first dungeon and that's really cool. And then there's the whole thing of how the plot is intertwined with the school. Through Shiho’s suicide (which did shock me), and Kamoshida’s direct threats to you, as well as seeing Kamoshida just be a complete dick. And also the scene with Ann at the cafe was really well done. The palace itself was pretty standard in terms of music and design, but the plot for the whole thing is just really well executed and I was genuinely glad to see the Phantom Thieves take down Kamoshida, but not kill him.
Madarame’s Museum
This one was fine. The museum didn't stand out to me a ton other than that big laser trap and walking through the pictures. And it was alright story-wise. And interestingly, Yusuke was the party member I knew the least amount. I actually just thought he was just some random creeper that first time he was following Ann. And I do like Madarame seeming very innocent and actually being a complete monster that you see in his shadow. Also there was that funny moment with Ann wearing a ton of clothes. that was funny. And I guess the actual theft of his treasure was pretty cool. That was fun. And for the record, I did notice the pancake thing with Akechi.
Kaneshiro’s Bank
The palace itself was enjoyable, but the story for this one was pretty weak. Price is also a really, really good music theme for this palace and I love to praise it anytime I have the opportunity to do so there it is. Price is great. And the dungeon itself was fun to explore. I got a bit confused at the beginning, but after that it was pretty interesting. Also Kaneshiro is evil, but he's also kind of a goofball. I mean, what even is spending money to relieve stress? Also he becomes a fly. And as for Makoto, yeah she does kind of stalk the Phantom Thieves, but she’s really only listening to adults and that is a very key part to her character development. And also her trying to take down Kaneshiro to help students who are being taken advantage of the mafia makes sense with her character, but at the same time, I feel like the reasoning could've been a bit better. Like a specific student like Makoto or Mishima or something being exploited and then helping them would have been cooler. I also wish we could've seen his confession to his crimes like we do for the others.
Futaba’s Tomb
This one was cool. I figured Futaba was Medjed, just not in the way it ended up happening. And the Egyptian setting in the desert led me to believe that “Rivers in the Desert” would play here because I think literally sometimes. But having a palace for someone who is just struggling was super interesting and the battle with the cognitive Wakaba Isshiki was a good fight. And the week after where you're teaching Futaba things was fun and were my favorite moments with her character. And I did enjoy the Hawaii trip, especially the moment where they just talked while in the hotel room. It was just an enjoyable moment where the characters just talked about life like people do. It was a real good scene
Okumura's Spaceship
This was my least favorite palace in the game. I liked the moments with Haru and the shock of him getting murdered, but the process of exploring the palace itself was just not that enjoyable and it just dragged on way too long. And the music did not help. The clock on the boss fight was a cool concept, but I finished the fight with a spare 12 minutes so it really didn't matter that much. And there is the elephant room of the whole situation of Morgana running away, and while I don't hate it, it really doesn't help. It's fine, but it's still not a great moment.
Sae Niijima’s Casino
Easily the game’s best palace. The best part here ks the incredible mindfuck that is the team’s plan to keep Ren alive. From the lapses in memory to the small other hints, and the bad ending, the whole thing was a fantastically executed plot twist that the entire game built up to with Sae’s interrogation. And I didn't know it was coming unlike some other twists. Admittedly, it’s a little harder to spoil “the team knew who the traitor was and that he was going to kill Ren so they made a crazy cool plan to make him not get killed” than it is to spoil “Igor is fake" (and I'll get to that one in a minute). But yeah, that whole thing is fantastically well done. But you also get the great emotional scene where Sojiro finds Futaba’s calling card. You get more understanding of both Sojiro’s and Futaba's characters and their relationship and you also get to see just how much Sojiro cares for Futaba and Ren. And while I'm not a fan of Goro Akechi as a person, his character here was really well done. His plan at the school festival (which was a fun side event as well), as well as his joining the team was very interesting especially the part where he almost told everyone who the thieves were. I knew he was the traitor and that he would join the team, but it is still pretty cool to see him join here. And also seeing just how powerful he is really sets the stage for his boss fight later in the game). And then you have the actual palace that accompanies all of these great story moments. The moment you arrive in the Metaverse and realize that this is the palace from the intro segment is a really cool feeling. It isn't the end of the game, but you still really get the feeling that “this is it, this is what everything has led up to". And it's just a lot of fun to explore. And the gimmick of having to get coins was way less tedious than I expected (though part of me still wanted a palace where you just play slots for 3 hours). And Whims of Fate is just such a good music track. It was also just so surreal to finally be playing the beginning of the game again after seeing all the things you had to get through to get to that point. I mean, the fight was fine (I was afraid it was about to turn into the Wheel of Fortune fight from P3, but thank goodness it didn't, that fight was awful) but the main enjoyment I got from this one was the palace itself and what came after. My mind is honestly still blown on just how clever the plan for this was and that anime cutscene of each of the Phantom Thieves learning about his death was incredibly well done.
Shido’s Ship
Honestly, I would have been completely satisfied had this actually been the final palace. I knew it wasn't, partially due to seeing a spoiler and partially because I knew a Persona game kind of has to end with a boss fight with some kind of god, and, as powerful as Shido is in Japan, he's no god. That being said, this was a really great palace and is still one of my favorites. I really liked the idea of a cruise ship palace and it was executed pretty well in terms of design. Setting up 5 bosses at the beginning was cool and I enjoyed seeing each of the Phantom Thieves help get a letter of recommendation. I really enjoyed those scenes and it was cool seeing everyone have a purpose. Even Yusuke (kinda). And it was intriguing how everyone who had a palace all related to Shido (except Kamoshida, apparently he was just a pedophile). And the climax and battle with Akechi was incredibly well done and learning about his connection to Shido as well as his motivations and power just really solidifies Akechi as a great character (but I still hate his guts). The fight with Akechi was just really hype and pretty hard as well especially since it starts pretty much right after the fight with the Cleaner. And then it all comes down to Shido’s Calling Card and battle. Futaba’s calling card was really really cool and the fight against Shido was just amazing. It really has the feel a final boss fight. Rivers in the Desert just feels like a final boss theme. The credits even specifically call it the “Last Boss Battle Theme". And the fight is challenging and while Shido’s transformations and the Beast of Human Sacrifice are really well designed. The fight with Shido might be my favorite moment in the entire game (even though it lasts like 40 minutes). This fight is just near perfection in my eyes (It may be crazy difficult on higher difficulty settings, but on easy I had a lot of fun with it). And there's also that bit with Ryuji dying that could've been a really interesting plot point that really affected the Phantom Thieves on a similar level to something from a certain other Persona game, but I get why they didn't and this is so close to the end of the game anyways. And speaking of which….
I've honestly thought a lot about this while writing this, but I honestly think Persona 5 should've just ended after the destruction of Shido’s Palace. Have something in his cognition that won't let you fight him until election day and then have Sae tell you that she needs you to testify against Shido, timeskip to February, timeskip to March, Roll Credits. But P-studio had one more twist planned that is admittedly pretty good, but I am just not a fan of some of what leads up to it.
Yaldabaoth’s Depths of Mementos
Alright, so to start December 24th, 2016 might be the most loaded day in all of Persona. You go to school, finish up exploration of Mementos, get through an entire Palace, fight a cup, watch the world get transformed, get deleted from existence, max out your Confidant with “Igor” by learning he’s actually an evil god. almost get executed in the Velvet Room, fuse Lavenza back together, talk to real Igor rally every single one of your party members, climb the stairway to Yaldabaoth while fighting 3 additional bosses while also watching cutscenes of people disappearing, fight the cup again, fight Yaldabaoth, get the Phantom Thieves approval rating to 100%, awakening your OP Persona, defeat Yaldabaoth, watch the world transform back to normal, talk to Yaldabaoth about how wrong he is, talk to Sae about testifying against Shido, and finally spend Christmas Eve with your girl of choice. That's an absolutely ridiculous amount of stuff to do all in one day. And all of that except for going to school and spending time with your girl are all considered “after-school". The whole ordeal takes like 7-8 hours IIRC. It just messes with the flow of time as the game has set it up up to this point in the game. In the same amount of time you did that insane list if things, you also could've talked to Ryuji about literally nothing. Like, it’s kind of a nitpick, but it still really bothers me. And yeah, I know that you can also spend a ton of time in the Palaces, but doing that also eats up your evening and forces you to sleep right away. For some bizarre reason, you still get an evening after all of that. But let's talk the actual story of this segment. So earlier in the story, the Phantom Thieves were suspected of killing Okumura and people immediately turned against them. Goro Akechi even admitted that they probably weren't the one who killed him and their popularity still plummeted. Yet, Shido flat out admitted to his crimes and everyone continues to believe in him. It's also mentioned that the public will just grab onto whatever is popular and leave that belief when it seizes to be popular. So for the public to just ignore the flaw of someone that they believe in for the exact same reason they believed in the Phantom Thieves. So they should've just moved on from believing in Shido. And that was bad enough, but then you also have the moment when they just disappear and the game just feels like a bad ending. Which is fine, I liked the Akechi shooting you in the head thing they pulled with that twist. But the Phantom Thieves disappearing just doesn't make sense. And I can kinda get why they would disappear (if I go along with the logic that people still love Shido) since no one believes in the Phantom Thieves so they don't exist in the new cognitive world. But Ryuji, Ann, Yusuke, Makoto, etc. should still be in people’s cognition since no one knows they're Phantom Thieves. They should still be in people’s cognition even if the Phantom Thieves aren't. The Igor twist was immediately pretty great as was the reveal of Morgana being the embodiment of human hope. And the fight with Yaldabaoth was fine, but it just doesn't quite compare to the Shido battle. And the palace design for the depths of Mementos was OK, but that's about it. And idk, I just couldn't quite believe the idea of people believing that having no freedom is a good thing. That just doesn't make much sense to me and I'm just not a fan of that plot point. And that's about as much negativity on this game I can take. I love this game and it does annoy me that I didn't love that part of the game too much. But a lot of that has come with my reflection of the game. When I was playing through the game I wasn't actively angry at every plot point. And the way the game actually ends was way better than this anyways and makes up for my anger in these parts.
Christmas Day
So after the Phantom Thieves agree to meet up at Leblanc for a Christmas party, Ren essentially gets arrested for being a Phantom Thief and once they hear about it, they work as hard as they can to get him out (in the name of Morgana who’s “dead” at this point). And I love this message. Even if you're not a Phantom Thief anymore, you can still make a difference if you set your mind to it and work hard.
2017
So I did enjoy the scene where Sae visits you and her character arc ends with her pursuing a career as a defense attorney which will essentially end in a lost case most of the time. It's a really cool way to show her character growth and was a satisfying end to her arc. And then you finally get to come home to see your friends and there's not much I can say other than that it was a great moment. And then Ren spent Valentine’s Day with Makoto and again, it just kind of ties up the loose ends of her Confidant and solidified her plans for her life. And then the day where Ren must leave finally comes and you say goodbye to everyone and I always love these scenes at the end of Persona games. There's always something distinctly bittersweet about them. You've made all of these great friends along the way, but now it's over. And the game ends with a wonderful scene of the Phantom Thieves riding in a van with each other savoring their last moments. And then the credits roll and cue me crying. I loved this game’s story overall and it was so bittersweet at the end.

The Gameplay

So, only thing that's really left is the gameplay. And this game is a lot of fun to play. And I will be doing some comparison to Persona 3 since I haven't played Persona 4, but I do know that it did fix a lot of my P3 complaints before P5 (controllable party members, better Persona fusion, etc.). But there are still a lot of othee gameplay improvements. The replacement of shuffle with hold up is a really great mechanic to replace it. It essentially makes fights with Shadows you already know the weaknesses of way faster and also makes getting specific Personas you need a lot easier and less random. And if you want extra exp. you can always just do the all out attack, or you can ask for extra money directly. It takes out the randomness and makes knocking down all of the enemies way more rewarding and fun. And I'm not sure if this is a P5 change or just something from easy mode, but having enemies stay down when attacked a second and having everyone get up and be able to attack on the same turn just makes the battles lag on way less and again, makes the combat more enjoyable. And I don't think Technical hits were in Persona 4, but they're a great feature here and open up the possibilities of combat. And guns are great too. Apparently they were in Persona 1 and 2, but they work really well here and make it so some enemies have a weakness everyone can hit, but balance it by having limited uses per day and that was just a really clever way to do it. There's also the streamlining of battle by how it’s controlled. Assigning each action to a button instead of having a menu also increase the pace of battle and I think is just a really great improvement to the flow. The battle system is probably the main reason this game felt shorter than Persona 3 despite taking me 50 hours longer. Battles were way faster paced and way more fun. The inability to control all party members and the length of battles just made the game feel so much slower. But Persona 5 just felt way better.
Dungeons got a huge upgrade. 3 was kind of a trainwreck in that regard and from what I've seen from 4, the dungeons were 5. But like 3, Persona 5 has two forms of dungeons. The main ones that have a relation to the story and the “optional” procedurally generated one. Mementos was a huge upgrade from Tartarus mostly because it's way shorter. Mementos has like 60 floors where Tartarus has… way more than are necessary. Yhere's no fatigue this time and you can switch out your team at anytime which also results in way better exploration. This is balanced by SP recovery items being much rarer and I think a much better system than Stamina since you can actually strategize SP use to make certain party members last longer whereas stamina just felt super random as to when they got tired. Mementos is less strenuous to do since I was able to catch up to the next gate in just one visit unlike Tartarus which could easily take three to five visits to catch up. And you also occasionally get conversations between the characters which make things a lot less tedious.
And then there's the actual palaces that are just amazing since they're hand made as opposed to procedurally generated and the objective isn't just “find the stairs". You have to find the treasure, but that's essentially just an endpoint for all the different things you have to do along the way. They also feel so distinct from each other with different mechanics and puzzles and they feel like real places you'd go which goes along with the ideas of cognition since this is just how these people see the real world. And that's another cool aspect of them: just finding out what they were and seeing all of the things that would be in them. And also learning more about each character and how they see the world and why they are like they are.

The Miscellaneous Stuff

And I guess that's about it, but I do have a couple of things to say about the game that don't really fit into any other categories or they're things that I just forget until now and want to say. Shujin Academy might be my least favorite school in the series. There's really nothing to do there outside of class and the library. It's kind of easy to forget that the Thieves are High School students sometimes because of how unimportant the school is. And a lot of that is the story, but also the fact that there aren't really any Confidants there. No clubs or sports or anything of the sort. And while fast travel is super convenient and kind of necessary for a game with so many places, it makes the school even less relevant since you don't need to manually leave it every day like in past games. And it's really not that big of a deal since exploring Tokyo is great and a lot of fun on its own so it’s more of a nitpick than anything else, but I still wish it was more relevant past the first palace.
I also just liked the simple fact that this just felt like a Persona game made in the present day which honestly makes sense. But you have the use of your phone and the Internet intertwined into the story as well as something I can't quite put my finger on, but there's just something about this game that just feels way more modern than 3 and 4. And maybe that's just the fact that it's in HD. I mean the game is super pretty at certain points and is just super detailed at a lot of others. It's really pretty and made me remember just how big the jump from 480p to HD really was. And also I love how whenever you get a group message in class, you can also see Ann pull out her phone. It's a small detail that I just love seeing it every time. And honestly I really the Phantom Thieves group chat as well. It's a fun idea that couldn't have worked until P5 and it's just so enjoyable to see everyone texting and saying different thing, especially in the late game when the group is at its largest. And I also like that in order to streamline having such a large place like Tokyo, they made it easier to check current Confidants with messages and the map. And the map was just cool in that as you kept learning about more and more places throughout the game, it just kept filling up until you could basically go anywhere in Tokyo.
I also love the UI. And the fact that Last Surprise never gets old. And that Ryuji won't say fuck. And that the game is also on PS3, making it that much more accessible. And also Haru having a grenade launcher is great. And also that you can just not reply to an in-advance invitation immediately and just decide later. And all of the movies you can watch in the movie theaters. And that there's 3 of them. And that you can wash random clothes you find in the Metaverse to get cool stuff. Or you can just make Kawakami do it while you do something else. Or how you can get a deeper bond with someone through fortune telling so that you can skip a wasted visit. And that there's a crossword puzzle you can do at the table of Leblanc sometimes. And that you can customize your room. And Haru’s floofy hair. And Makoto has red eyes for some reason. And that Futaba has orange hair (still doesn't make sense to me, but whatever). And the fact that Morgana can somehow be a car because that's somehow human cognition. And that new game plus exists. And how shopkeepers have different voice lines while you decide what to buy. And how Igor having a different voice actually has a reason in the story. And I could probably ramble off a few other things as well.There's just so many things to love about Persona 5 and that's why it's one of my favorite games of all time and why I'm still thinking about it this long after finishing the game.

The Closing

Overall I just love Persona 5 and wanted to talk about it and that ended up being this 11 page essay. And I'm OK with that. But if you disagree, feel free to reply because I do really like to hear different perspectives on things. And I also just like talking about this game.

[Spoilers] How TLJ Story could have been much better IMO

SPOILER - What I personally would have changed to make TLJ better (without affecting the broader themes and direction of the series)

Feb 24 - Playing with the Perception of Time in dreams.

Had about 5 hours sleep last night, stayed up late watching movies with my Daughter, played some Borderlands 2. Had an argument with someone over the perception of time in dreams which only fueled my ongoing saga of cultivating time in dreams.
My passion for dreaming is fueled by the knowledge that I have regarding my own finite mortality and I have seen long ago the potential to add valuable, content-rich experience to my life during sleep by participating in the Art of Dreaming since I was 15, now reaching 46. In my view, this is the only way I know add time and experience to my life in a safe, fun and entertaining way. I exploit the Art of Dreaming to not only have new experiences but maximize the limited amount of time life offers all of us. Thus I get to live two lives, one in the waking world and one in the world of dreams. For me, this is as close as it gets to having the best of two worlds and my passion for dreaming has only increased with age knowing that clock is ticking towards the final curtain.
During the day, I practiced All-Day-Awareness and cognitive mapping taking in the rich beautiful sensory detail from my waking world and reminding myself that I will be as conscious and aware, with full sensory perception as vivid or more vivid than I have right now when I dream tonight. This mindefullness exercise has been incredible in how it impacts the level of lucidity and quality of perception in my own dreams. It works, so I practice it every day and it has helped train my mind through attention focusing to yield a realism in dreaming that is equal to or greater to how I perceive my waking world.
Like any skill, if I stop or let it go the quality of my dreams deteriorate. It would be the same if I stopped working out at the gym. My body would suffer from atrophy and it is the exact same for the mind with regards to memory, awareness and perception with dreams. As a discipline and practice, this skill that I will always develop and practice because the rewards of being able to have these high fidelity dreams are intrinsically so valuable because of the quality of experience I gain in return. Never give up, never stop dreaming. That is my motivation to myself.
Before I lie in bed, I stand there looking at it reminding myself that I will be physically asleep and anything I experience at this point until I wake up will be a dream. This helps with reality checks and asserts my intention to dream. I do this every-time. It a practice that takes less than a minute. And the pay off has been huge.
The next thing I do, is prepare for dreaming as I lie in bed. I don't just lie down and go to sleep. I don't sleep. I dream. That is the correct attitude. In this case I just focused on MILD as I thought I would do WBTB and WILD after I woke up, but I didn't expect my first phase of sleep to yield such a magnificent reward of experience and have opted to write it down rather then pursue the second phase of my sleep discipline.
My intent for dreaming was to explore the perception of time. I wondered if this really is something I could control or was it just the product of certain natural dream cycles. As I fell asleep, I let go all the constraints of physical time, and focused on psychological time. The time that my mind can produce during the process of dreaming. My subconscious answered with a stellar reply.
I drifted off to sleep without lucidity as it's my first sleep. I use this to get rest but that doesn't mean I don't dream. I do, but quite often without lucidity. This dream was the exception, I found the body drifted nicely into sleep and the dream started to form around me. After all, I was very interested in exploring Time in dreams and having had dreams form in this manner over the last 3 decades, it was quite natural to remain focused enough to see the shift happen.
The interior of a building started to form, it was a laboratory. I could see two other people, a woman and an African male. Still being conscious, I just allowed it to continue and relaxed as it form enjoying the vividness of the imagery to increase in resolution until finally I emerged into the deep immersion that dreams offer. No longer aware of my body in bed, I became my avatar in this dream simulation.
I was instantly curious as to why a laboratory formed, that was an unusual setting to wake into within a dream. There were electronic parts on the table, computers and monitoring equipment. I was greeted by the woman who said she was happy I finally arrived and asked if I was ready to being the experiments.
I replied, "What are the experiments again?" I had no idea what my subconscious was creating because I didn't try to form or shape this dream like I often do.
She hands me this black rectangular thin plastic box with a wires that had headphones (ear buds) and some other EEG style connectors. She tells me, "This device will augment how much time you can experience in a dream."
"How does it work?" I asked her.
"It uses a combination of high-frequency sound pulses and directed electromagnetic pulses that increase the refresh rate of perception. The increase in refresh rate should create a longer sense of time in your dream." she explains.
She turns the device on and shows me this touch sensitive LED that has a green bar, the longer the bar, the longer the dream. "Think of dreams as an animation, each frame of the dream represents the amount of time you perceive. The faster we can cycle through the frames, the more information you experience which will give you a longer sense of time."
"How do I keep up with the increased frame-rate?" I asked.
"As the refresh rate gradually accelerates and more information cycles through your sense of time will remain relative. Like flying in an airplane, you don't feel how fast you are traveling just the sense of acceleration." she explains.
I put in the ear buds and lay on this nice bed. She attaches the connectors to 4 spots on my head and tells me to set the amount of time I want to experience with the slider. I set it for 2 hours and close my eyes. The sounds remind me of binaural beat patterns a wavy pulsing sensation and there are flashes of white light like a fluttering butterfly. The visual light starts to pulse being almost trance like and accelerates, I find myself trying to keep pace with the increased frequency and the light then blooms into a new dream.
This dream was visually very interesting as I emerged into the new setting. There are people wearing ornate Armour, there is stone masonry for walls and buildings. It has a very medieval appeal to the design. There are knights on horses walking down the street. Some people carry wicker baskets with food, others push wooden carts.
I stop and admire this new setting because visually it looks real and stunning. One of the treasures of investing in time and awareness into this Art of Dreaming. I walk through the market just taking in the sights. This other worldy adventure taking place is as always, a joy to experience.
A knight on horse back approaches me and tells me that I am needed at the castle. I haven't seen a castle in my dream for a very long time so I go with the flow and follow him walking on this dirt road. We leave the town and walk towards this castle off in the distance. There was a nice field with trees, flowers and tan colored tall grass blowing in the wind.
The knight is telling me that I am to have and audience with the princess as she seeks my council. I don't say much, I just want to keep focus and enjoy the beauty as it presents itself.
I walk for some time, just enjoying being there and at the castle there are guards at the gate. The castle also has other buildings outside of it. We go inside, there are candles burning on these metal posts on the walls.
There is a large wooden table with chairs, hand crafted tin dishes and some fruit in a bowl. There are unlit candles on the table. There are flags hanging on the walls with artwork embroidered into them.
Several guards and other people are there and this lady walks up to me. She looks exactly like the female scientist, the exact same character but now dressed in this white gown, her hair braided and wrapped with tiny flowers. She's happy to see that I have arrived and greets me.
"It is wonderful to see you!" she tells me. I smile at the princess and remember her from the labratory. A pleasant reminder that I am still in a dream and this is like a form of deep immerse role-play.
"It's nice to see you, what a nice change of scenery." I tell her.
The same African man approaches from the originating dream, he is now wearing armour that is also ornate. "You've come a great distance to be with us. We are glad to have one as wise as you to take place on our council." he explains.
I look at the end of the castle and see the throne, there is an aged old man with a long white beard and crown, his outfit is heavy and thick making him look larger than life and impressive. "That must be the king." I reply.
"Indeed, he is not so trusting as we are. You will have to earn your favor with him." the man explains.
"I'm more interested in just enjoying this dream, it is quite wonderful to be here for now." I tell him. I remember the device and the idea of time.
"I was told you are quite a skilled dreamer." the princess replies. "It is strange to hear someone say that this is a dream. I find that surprising."
"Well, I've become quite used to being in a dream, it's not that hard to determine where one is. Before I arrived I was in a laboratory using a device that accelerates perception in dreams, I remember wearing the device and phasing into this location." I tell her.
She wants to hear more about it. "What is this device?" she asks.
"I'm not sure myself, it's not real. Rather it too is part of another dream I was having. Likely just a representation of my focus and intent characterized in a dream object." I reply.
"I wish to have this device! I want to control time." she tells me. "Can you bring it to me?"
I laugh, "I don't think that device belongs in this genre. It exists in another dream. More so it's not the device that is creating time. Time is relative to perception, we create time." I tell her.
She smiles and becomes very excited, "This is so interesting, I am so happy you are here." and she gives me a hug. Her father overlooking from the Throne doesn't look too pleased. Myself however, I can't get enough of this new exciting genre of being in some medieval setting in a castle.
She calls on her servants to fetch wine and food inviting me to sit at the table. I sit in this large wooden chair next to her. Other knights and people take a seat while a servant brings this open clay jug and starts to pour wine into the goblets.
When the glasses are filled, I can smell the wine. It's red and I have a sip. It tastes sweet. I relax and enjoy the experience. Food starts to arrive and the princess is telling other people the tale of this strange device that controls time. She tells them that I am a master dreamer and honored guest.
She instructs her servants to prepare a room for me. The dish looks like roasted quail with potatoes. There are fresh herbs. The princess seems to be taking an affinity to me she leans her head on my shoulder but this seems to make her father angry and even some of the guards seem to be a big jealous. I'm not interested in her, mostly because I know she's gone once I wake up. I don't invest any emotional attachment to any dream character as a result. Rather I just enjoy their unique individuality as an actor in the dream.
Her father comes to the head of the table and sits looking at me with a stern gaze. "I see my daughter fancies you stranger." he tells me. "She is not someone that I so willing give away."
I look at the king and guards, "I'm here to enjoy all of your company. We are all friends here."
But the princess insults the king by saying, "It is I who choses who am to be with Father not you!" and she wraps her arm around me pulling me close to her.
Angered he tells her, "I think it's time your friend retires to his room." and he instructs his guards to escort me. When dreams start to create drama, I tend to want to avoid it so I go along with the flow and am escorted to this room with a wooden bed.
The one guard tells me, "The King doesn't take kindly to men who woo his daughter. You are best to leave her alone."
I smile and tell him I am going to go to sleep. He closes the door and I look at the room, there is a couple of paintings on the wall, more embroidered flags. The walls are stone with a smooth finish. I lie down and close my eyes waking up back in the labratory.
I sit up and see the same two main dream characters. The lady asks me, "Well, what did you think?"
"I had a nice dream that I was at a castle, you were there but as a princess." I reply.
"How long did the dream feel?" she replied.
"Not sure, felt like a couple of hours at least. How long was I asleep?" I ask.
"Only for two minutes here." she explains.
I look at the device and wonder if I could go deeper, longer into another dream. I realize the device is just a manifestation of my focus and intent to prolong dreaming. I also knew the two minutes she described was irrelevant, it was still just dream time no real way to guage longevity. But knowing I was still dreaming, I decided to see what other adventure awaits and crank the green LED to it's max setting and lie back down.
I close my eyes and see just empty blackness, the sounds and pulsing increase but this time there is no flashing light, just a sense of time stretching. I am in the void, the emptiness like a single point observing eternal infinite potential. It's peaceful, relaxing and I just focus in this space as if lying in a beach with nothing to do but enjoy one's sense of being.
The sense of time keeps stretching seconds feel like minutes, minutes feel like hours then suddenly I wake up and am in a new dream. Right away I realize that I didn't actually wake up physically, just another extension of dreaming while my body is asleep.
In this dream, I am at my Uncles apartment in Vancouver. I haven't been there in many many years. He is sitting on his couch and surprised to see me. "Ian! What are you doing here? Why have you taken so long to visit me?" he asks.
I take a moment to stabilize my focus and affirm I am still dreaming. "I've been busy. Life gets in the way." I tell him.
"Tell me what you have been up to, how are things going?" he asks.
"Dreaming, I am still very busy chasing my dreams." I tell him.
"Good, you always talk highly of them." he replies.
"Well, so far in this dream I was in a laboratory with some device that lets me control time in dreams. I was then at some castle with a princess where I angered her father the King. And now I am here, so it's good to dream." I reply.
He laughs, "You always did have a big imagination."
"It fuels my dreams." I use dream control and turn on his TV and use intent to show the memories of the Castle dream. "There is the castle and that's the princess." I tell him.
He watches in amazement, "How are you doing that!"
"Well, I'm technically not really visiting you in the way you think. This is another extension of the same dream. I've changed locality is all. Ended up here, but this is still a dream." I reply.
The common theme with dream characters is they always disbelieve the fact that a dream is what it is. "No, that can't be. This can't be a dream!" he replies.
"Why? Because it looks and appears real? That is what dreaming is. Simulations of reality." I reply. "And we don't have to be in this boring apartment."
I focus on the dream and start to visualize and think in this dream language causing the setting to change where we are suddenly in this new genre. Now I am in full control of the art form. I create an entirely science-fiction themed reality where everything except he and I are a type of humanoid robot. It is a combination of Steam-Punk and Anime.
For example one of the robots was a female that had this metallic dress. The dress had sections that layered down. The metal was brass, she had an engine on her back with an exhaust pipe that puffed out smoke. Here face, arms and legs were all brass but she walked relatively normally as if human.
The buildings were very tall with large pipes and many made with brick. He is just in shock, even grabs me and stairs wildly in my eyes. "This can't be real!" he explains.
"Of course it's not real. It's a dream. But it's sure beautiful. Let's go for a walk and explore." I tell him.
He's looking around at all the details still in awe. There is this wonderful blimp with a basket floating in the sky. It has thick rope making it look almost like a football and a wooden propeller at the back. "Alice and wonderland makes so much more sense now. I can see how writers can draw such raw imagination from this living art." I tell my uncle.
He doesn't reply, he's just stuck in a state of awe looking around as if he was suddenly transported into a new reality. "This is why I dream." I tell him. "Wonderful isn't it?"
"I've never seen anything like this, it's amazing!" he replies.
There is this robot boy, it has this wheel that has thick spokes like a gear, he has a 1920's era newspaper boy hat and suit with a bag over his shoulder full of papers, he zig-zags through the crowd. There are so many amazing looking steam-punk robots here all fantastically animated, everywhere I look there is something else rich in detail and form. Just doesn't get better than this really.
When my attention is away from my Uncle, he disappears into the crowd. I go to look for him and start to walk down the street, being drawn a bit into the dream drama. The reality, no reason to be concerned just enjoy the experience but that also indicates a loss of focus and lucidity. Thus I make finding him the focus rather then exploring the amazing world I effortlessly summoned.
I wind down the street, concerned looking in shops turning down alley ways. Finally I come to the realization that he is gone and wake up.
Again I am back at the laboratory, another false-awakening. "Damn this dream is lasting a long time! I love it!" I say out loud.
"What did you dream this time?" asked the lady.
"Oh I really liked that dream, I started at my Uncles apartment then shifted the dream into this robotic world full of steam-punk inspired robots. It was amazing." I replied.
"How long did the dream last?" she asked.
"The dream didn't last as long as I would have liked, maybe 30 minutes but leading up to it, it felt very long. How long was I asleep this time?" I asked her.
She looks at her wrist watch, "A few hours." she replied.
"No I need to dream even longer than this. I have to do better." I tell her. I look at the device and crank the LED to max but this time there is another LED in the reverse direction so I max that out as well. I lie down and close my eyes and think about being with my Daughter in Las Vegas for a mini-vacation.
The dream shifts and I find myself walking to a Hotel, my daughter is beside me. Again the realism of the dream is spectacular. I've been to Vegas twice in my life and this dream does a pretty good job of simulating Vegas but it's not 100% legit that said, pretty damn close once we made it to the strip.
Our hotel was not in the strip however, it was off somewhere else several blocks away. As we walked I noticed we had two cats following us. One was my daughters female tabby cat named Starla and the other was her brother Evermore who my sister owns. When we arrived at the hotel my daughter wanted to bring them inside with us. I wasn't fully lucid and told her that the cats needed to stay outside because the were not allowed in the hotel. She didn't like that idea, "What if something happens to them Daddy?" she asks.
"They'll be fine. Don't worry about them." I tell her and walk inside the hotel. I go to the counter and check in, the lady takes my information and credit card. She has me sign a form and hands me two skeleton keys for the rooms and some information about the hotel. The hotel is not like some of the more amazingly grand ones Vegas offers, rather it was a very narrow tall building and seemed almost 1950's era with old wooden doors with brass handles. We walk to our room, I can't remember the number. I use the skeleton key to unlock the door.
Once inside the room, there are two beds and a old style cathode TV with the knob to change the channels. I am a bit confused why everything is old in this hotel but think it might be some Vegas theme. My daughter runs to a bed and jumps on it proclaiming, "This one's mine!" and she starts to jump on it.
"Don't jump on the beds sweet heart, they might kick us out." and I sit on the edge of mine pressing my hands into the mattress feeling the softness. It was quite firm. Having lost lucidity, it was just a matter of having space to think before I began to realize that I was still in some type of dream. It's always when I start to think about the situation questioning why I was in Vegas in the first place. The dream had a back story for memory. My work had sent me there for a conference and I was supposed to join up with them at the center and join them for dinner. But that didn't make sense.
I looked at my hand pressing into the mattress, everything was super-real. This common immersion into such a sensory rich dream making the reality-check difficult but I was coming around. I didn't remember planning a trip, how did I get here? Following that pattern of thought I remembered the other dreams and the laboratory. I remembered lying in the bed thinking about being in Vegas with my Daughter, must of lost consciousness during the shift. I snapped back to full wakefullness and re-affirmed I was dreaming.
Sitting on the bed with my hands on each side made a perfect anchor to just balance and re-focus. I can't stress how much I use this technique to re-orientate my awareness in a dream. I look at my daughter and tell her, "Let's go for a walk and see the city."
She's excited and puts her shoes on and grabs her jacket. It's here brown winter jacket from waking life. Very unlikely she'd wear it in Las Vegas but served to remind me that I was dreaming. Made sense being a dream and all.
I took her hand and we walked out of the room down the corridor to the lobby. No elevator or stairs so must be on the first floor. The lobby looks the same as it did when we first arrived. I was just more aware of the details now that I was conscious.
We go outside and I tell her she's going to love this place. Taking dream vacations for me is almost as good as the real thing. I had that wonderful feeling of being on vacation. That excitement of adventure and exploration. We walk down this flight of concrete stairs to the sidewalk. The street was busy, cars driving about. I could see the strip, large hotels towering in the distance.
I don't think where we were was accurate to Vegas though, even the strip had inconsistencies. We walked down the street and there was a flight of concrete stairs leading down between some other buildings. I didn't care, it was nice to be here and I always like dreams with family especially with my daughter because no vacation would be complete without her to enjoy it with.
We walk hand in hand, she's excited about being there. When we get closer to the strip, I do see the Excalibur and the Pyramid building. I point it out and my daughter tells me it looks like Disney Land. The streets are bustling with people and we go inside this candy shop.
The shop is full of different candies on tables and shelves. She runs off to look at some, not stopping one moment before she has some lollipop in her mouth. It was like a gumball on a stick with red and blue swirls on white.
I watch as she's grabbing different candy packages, some she's putting in her pockets of her brown winter jacket. Relaxed in the dream, I don't bother to raise issue that she might be stealing. At this point all waking world laws and rules do not apply. I just like watching her have fun. Even if it is just a dream character version of her.
She has a pile of candy in her cupped hands and walks to the counter dumping the pile in front of the clerk. She reaches into her pockets and pulls out the candies she put there and I think, "That's a good girl."
The clerk sighs at the large assortment that he has to now process at the till. I walk over and just toss him a $100 bill. "Don't worry just bag it we are in a hurry, keep the change." He sees the bill and smiles, rushing the candy into a plastic bag.
"No problem, thank you sir!" he hands the bag over to me which I then give to my daughter. I grab her hand and we walk outside. Hand in hand again we walk down the street but we are still not on the main strip. I bump into one of my co-workers from my company. He recognizes me and comes over.
"So they ditched on you too huh?" he tells me. "Don't worry come hang with us." he says and grabs my arm dragging me to some pub. My daughter follows in hand. He is with his wife. "Food and drink is on me, let's have some fun!" he tells me.
The pub/restaurant has a German theme. No denying that the men were wearing German Lederhosen and the waitress were wearing dirndl dresses with braided blond hair and pony tails. Hard to not notice that theme. The tables were also circular with white table cloths over them. We walk to a table and they sit down but I'm not sure if this is what I want to do with my daughter because I was enjoying exploring.
"This place looks awesome!" I tell him, "I'd love to stay but I have my daughter and we are going to do some shopping. Maybe we can join up later and have some beers."
"Are you sure?" he asks, his wife motioning for us to sit and join.
"No everything is fantastic, remember? Best of both worlds." I tell him and I walk out of the pub with my daughter. She's not holding my hand and gets caught up in the crowd. She stops to digs into her candy bag and grabs some wrapped toffee.
"You have to hold my hand. I don't want you to wonder off and loose you in the crowd." I tell her as I walk over and grab her hand. We walk to the strip and enter into one of the long shopping malls. Now this is looking a lot more like Vegas, large space, beautiful ornate architecture. The endless sea of people though, the level of detail is always so stunning.
There is this elephant ride, the classic stand-alone plastic coin operated kind we often see at malls and of course who wants to ride it? Can't say no to that so off she goes and has a ride on the Elephant as I watch as it just sways back and forth bobbing up and down. Finally the ride ends and we go back walking.
We see an entrance to a casino with all the slot machines and she wants to go in, I mean being a dream you'd think I'd say sure but I told her she's not old enough yet. Also I wasn't very interested in the Casino, the walking through the endless shops was absolutely fun.
We finally get to one of the motorized moving floors and she wants to ride it. We end up at the conference area as I see many people from my work drinking alcohol and mingling.
One of my co-workers walks up to me and asks, "Where have you been, we have been looking everywhere for you."
"I'm with my daughter. She hasn't been to Vegas so we are out exploring." I tell him.
"You brought your daughter on vacation with you? This is still a work trip." he tells me.
"No, it's not. It's actually a dream." I reply. "I can do what I want."
He looks at me strangely. "Are you sure?" he asks. He looks around.
"Oh, trust me. It doesn't get any more dream than this." I tell him. "That's why we are just having fun. It's a blast being here."
"I still don't know how you do it." he tells me. "Wish I could dream like you."
"Lots and lots of practice." I reply. We take some time to mingle with people I knew from work. I introduce my daughter to them still holding her hand. I get her a pop and I have a slush with alcohol in it. We sit at this table and have a drink.
Another person I knew from upper management walks over and starts to talk shop. He wants to know if I can create a report but I stop him. "On vacation, just a dream. Don't bring work into it." I laugh.
I watch my daughter drink her pop sucking back on a straw, and even though she's just a simulation it reminds me how much I love and care for her. Couldn't think of anyone better to just spend time with in a dream so I was making this one last.
After a while we leave and go back walking, I was so caught up in all the details I was loosing lucidity again. Drawn back into the dream immersion she tells me she's getting tired and wants to go back to the hotel. I'm not sure where that is but we start to walk back until I recognize the flight of concrete stairs we walked down to get towards the strip and finally find the same street and same hotel.
We go back down the corridor to the hotel and I open the door this time without a key, it was just open. Inside, she crawls into bed. "Thanks for taking me to Vegas daddy, I love it here!" I give her a kiss on the forehead and tuck her in. I feel tired too and crawl into my bed. I close my eyes and fall asleep. The sleep feels like hours, again in that black empty void just floating in empty time.
I wake up, but I am back in the same hotel in Vegas. My daughter is still in bed but this time the wake up brings with it lucidity. I snap back to focus shocked that I am not in my real but and also elated that I was still dreaming. "Damn this really is a long dream!" I tell myself.
I go over and wake up my daughter. "Wake up! We have lots to do today." I tell her.
She slowly comes too and gets out of bed. We are already dressed in clothes, I don't want to waste a minute getting ready. We go back out of the hotel. The lobby is the same as the first and second time I saw it. Just making note of consistency as often details do change but this seemed very stable for such a long dream.
Back down the concrete steps to the side walk, down the same street to the next set of steps. People still crowding the streets and I notice two cats. It was the two that had followed us to Vegas. Starla and Evermore were waiting on the steps for us. However, this is kind of the humor dreams can have. They didn't have a good time being abandoned in the streets of Las Vegas.
Both cats looked like they had been fighting with other cats all night with scratches and bites. Their hair was all dirty and standing on end in some places. They also looked very neglected and emancipated, as if starved for a few days. My daugher is all upset. "See Daddy! We should have taken them to the hotel room!"
I kneel down and the cats come to me to be petted. Knowing it's a dream I can't help but laugh. I see the humor of this. "It's a dream, they aren't really here." I tell her.
"But they are all beat up!" she complains.
"No, no they are not." I tell her as I focus on the two beat up cats and restore them to back to health. "Tell you what, they can come with. We'll take them everywhere we go."
"Really?" she says all relieved and happy. "I love you Daddy!".
We go back to holding hands and walking back towards the strip. The two cats now following behind us (they do follow us in real life when we go for walks). We see the Stratosphere Tower with the roller coaster and that is our destination. I tell my daughter that we are going to go one that ride on the top of that building.
It's off in the distance and she is very excited about this. But the problem was walking, we walked far too long because like every dream the eventual real world wake-up happened. No matter how much time I try to create to prolong the dream. Real world time catches up and here is the end result.
Took me forever to write this dream down and normally would have my second sleep but because this one was so amazing and fun I had to log as much as I could remember. In 5 hours sleep, I had a hell of a lot of fun with time. Still didn't come close to some of the very long time stretches I've had in the past but not complaining. Just reaping the rewards of lucidity every chance I get.

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