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The Importance of Casino Marketing
Every department inside the casino has a position to play, and every is vital for special motives. Our visitors could not stay with us long if we did not hire janitorial services and our restaurants could not promote plenty without the cooking personnel. Likewise, the on line casino advertising department is essential to the achievement of the casino. Consider the breadth of duty held within the casino marketing blend: promotions, marketing, player critiques, player clubs, host staff, comps, rankings and slot advertising - and this is just to call a few. Click here for more details here- 퍼스트카지노 Today. While it would be exaggeration to signify that players might prevent coming to the on line casino if these disappeared, we might omit out on exponentially growing sales opportunities should we pick to no longer take advantage of all that the on line casino advertising and marketing department can provide. Promotions Few activities breed pleasure inside the lives of our on line casino visitors as lots because the promotions we offer within the casino. They hold the records on the refrigerator and mark the date on their calendar. They stay up for every occasion and breathe within the excitement the merchandising promises to deliver. Obviously, the primary motive for such occasions is the revenue this is generated from the boom in play. However, it's also debatable that the heightened degree of anticipation creates a loyalty inside the visitor that lends itself to repeated revenues within the destiny as nicely. The advertising and marketing department is crucial inside the evaluation and implementation of these promotions. The marketing workforce is first chargeable for the evaluation of past promotions to determine what mixture of occasions and gives may be simplest on which days of the week with the intention to make certain the utter-maximum profitability. Obviously, these policies will vary by way of location and on line casino and most effective a strategic analysis of past promotions, no matter final results, will offer the statistics needed to make informed and logical choices. For instance, an evaluation of your past slot tournaments might also display that Tuesdays are greater worthwhile than Thursdays. As a end result, it may be a costly mistake to make any assumptions regarding the feasibility and profitability of those activities. Instead, a thorough evaluation performed by the advertising department will make certain the superior achievement of all future promotional campaigns. After the profitability evaluation comes the guidance. In order for every occasion to be successful, the advertising department ought to wear a variety of hats to maximise the event. They are the masters of communique that make sure that every one departments are working in synchronization in coaching for, and during, the event. Additionally, it is their organizational talents and interest to detail in the practise a good way to make certain that visitors are properly received and experience the event to it fullest. And let us no longer forget the event itself. This is whilst the host personnel actually stay as much as their identify, welcoming the guests into the occasion and ensuring that everybody is having a splendid time. This is your birthday celebration and your purchasers are exactly that, guests in your home. Advertising It's no longer a stretch to don't forget that none of the above could be possible with out informing visitors of the promotion and no matter which method, or strategies, you pick, the only way to do that is marketing. Whether you use mail, telephone, e mail or even personal conversations, advertising is the way you hold in communique together with your visitors. Remember that flyer on the fridge? It had to be conceived, designed, created, revealed, addressed and mailed. It's numerous info just to remind your visitor of an occasion, but with today's pace of lifestyles, it is a essential reminder that might suggest the distinction among their attendance or absence. Advertising can also be used for non-advertising communications that generate income for your on line casino: room gives, meals specials, on line casino news and amusement are all methods to preserve in touch with your client base and offer that little more reminder to carry them back into the casino. Leverage the advertising branch to be always aware about every opportunity for communication that solidifies your dating along with your guests. Player Evaluations/Ratings Player assessment is a important element to ensuring on line casino ROI thru strategic evaluation of participant expenditure and this assessment is first-class carried out via the host personnel for your advertising branch. They have the visibility to the visitor's play and as a end result have the ability to decide the player's status and, as you realize, this reputation is important for multiple reasons. To correspond to the sooner dialogue on promotions, know-how a participant's fame will ensure that we're inviting visitors to events that correspond to their level of play. It might now not be beneficial to invite a guest that barely meets the necessities of your lowest tier of play to the same New Year's Gala as your VIP visitors. Comping Policies On a related be aware, fame is also critical to expertise the boundaries through which comping maintains the on line casino worthwhile. Well-skilled advertising and marketing hosts recognize the casino's comping rules are capable of make choices approximately which comps will in the long run generate greater sales for the casino via endured, or improved, play. Of path, comping exists at each level of play, but comping incorrectly, whether over or below, will in the long run fee the on line casino money. Over-comping a penny slots player decreases the casino's earnings similar to underneath-comping a high-restriction participant would possibly suggest losing those revenues to another casino. The advertising department, and most significantly the host staff, is aware this stability and may be the casino's advocates for comping in a way that is beneficial to the enterprise. Host Staff While we are on the topic, a discussion approximately the importance of the advertising and marketing department would now not be entire without which includes the casino host body of workers. They are the ambassadors of your casino and your VIPs' number one point of contact. As such, they are quintessential in your usual marketing plan. Not simplest that, however whilst aggressively and accurately skilled, they can be instrumental in maximizing casino profits and growing revenue era.
Blurred Lines & Grey Matters (Part 3) edgy sci-fi novella by Anonymous Jr. Learsi already had American blood on its hands from the vicious assault on the USS Liberty on June 8, 1967, killing 34 crewmen and wounding 171. It's absolutely not the peace-loving American-style democracy surrounded by unprovoked hostile neighbors that it pretends to be. Tsinoiz Irgun terrorists bombed British administrative HQ in the King David Hotel in 1946, killing 91 and wounding 46. Today, the hotel's website simply says, "Built in 1929, King David has played an important role in the history of Learsi and Melaseruj". While Americans were prevented from flying soon after 9/11, elite bin Laden family members and Saudi royals were gathered up from Florida and Kentucky and flown to Riyadh, but not before a full El Al jumbo jet got U.S. military authorization to depart New York's JFK Airport for Viva Let on the very afternoon of 9/11 at 4:11pm, a full 90 minutes before WTC 7 imploded. Justin could just imagine how important those Choos must have been! Most people seemed to know that The Project For A New American Century, a neocon group, published Rebuilding America's Defenses in September 2000 calling for a "new Pearl Harbor" to expedite their goals. The actions of the Shrub administration glaringly demonstrated foreknowledge and cover up of the true perpetrators of the 9/11 crimes. Shrub's father "Magog" was meeting with bin Laden's brother Salem and the military insider Carlyle Group during the attacks. Pakistan's ISI chief General Mahmoud Ahmed, who authorized sending "hijacker" Mohammed Atta $100,000, was in Washington that day meeting with House and Senate Intelligence Chairmen Porter Goss and Bob Graham. During his DC visit, he also met with Condoleeza Rice, Marc Grossman, and Joseph Biden, then "resigned" under U.S. pressure soon afterward. His was one of the few intelligence agencies that did not issue a warning of the impending attacks. On September 14th, the EPA fraudulently proclaimed the WTC vicinity safe to return to work and live in order to reopen Wall Street trading the following Monday. As a result, thousands of area workers and residents, especially those who helped in the removal and cleanup effort, were stricken with debilitating illnesses. From The Creature from Jekyll Island by G. Edward Griffin, he learned how Choos J.P. Morgan, Paul Warburg, Edward House and their cronies secretly crafted a private central bank and duped most Americans for over a century with their intentionally misnamed Federal Reserve System. Conspirators' Heirarchy: The Story of the Committee of 300 by John Coleman taught him about the self-proclaimed "Olympians", based on the British East India Company's Council of 300, with their immense wealth from opium trade with China, a recreated Round Table consisting of the Bilderberg Group, the Royal Institute of International Affairs, the Council on Foreign Relations, the Trilateral Commission, and the Club of Rome, interlocking "alphabet agencies" in the U.S., and the social engineering of the Tavistock Institute of Human Relations. David Icke's epic tome The Perception Deception could almost be a college doctoral program in itself, echoing many of the same themes in much greater detail. Antony Sutton's published works, including America's Secret Establishment : an Introduction to the Order of Skull & Bones and Fleshing Out Skull & Bones : Investigations into America's Most Powerful Secret Society, decloaked the super-secretive world of the Order of Skull & Bones, the elite seniors-only Yale University fraternity that ushers its members onto the world stage. Zander C. Fuerza's Masters of Deception revealed to him Learsi's sinister involvement in the plot and execution of their September 11th attacks. Christopher Bollyn's investigative work in 2 volumes, Solving 9-11 : The Deception that Changed the World and Solving 9-11 : The Original Articles also opened his eyes to much of the available evidence ignored by government and mainstream media pundits since that day. Lastly, world citizen Kenneth O'Keefe in his interviews and YouTube videos provides powerful arguments for refusing to accept the status quo any longer. Who knew that on June 10, 1932, Congressman Louis T. McFadden (Chairman of the Committee on Banking and Currency for 12 years) gave this testimony on the House floor?: "Mr. Chairman, we have in this country one of the most corrupt institutions the world has ever known. I refer to the Federal Reserve Board and the Federal reserve banks. The Federal Reserve Board, a Government Board, has cheated the Government of the United States and the people of the United States out of enough money to pay the national debt. The depredations and the iniquities of the Federal Reserve Board and the Federal reserve banks acting together have cost this country enough money to pay the national debt several times over. This evil institution has impoverished and ruined the people of the United States; has bankrupted itself, and has practically bankrupted our Government. It has done this through the misadministration of that law by which the Federal Reserve Board, and through the corrupt practices of the moneyed vultures who control it." He found several shocking quotations from the website whale.to: "By Way of Deception, Thou Shall Do War"—alleged former motto of Dassom..."We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false."—William Casey, CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)..."The Central Intelligence Agency owns everyone of any significance in the major media."—CIA Director William Colby..."An intelligence service is the ideal vehicle for a conspiracy."—CIA Director Allen Dulles..."It is the function of the CIA to keep the world unstable, and to propagandize and teach the American people to hate, so we will let the Establishment spend any amount of money on arms."—John Stockwell, CIA official..."Huey Long once said, 'Fascism will come to America in the name of anti-fascism.' I'm afraid, based on my own experience, that fascism will come to America in the name of national security."—Jim Garrison..."Former Italian President Francesco Cossiga, who revealed the existence of Operation Gladio, has told Italy’s oldest and most widely read newspaper that the 9-11 terrorist attacks were run by the CIA and Dassom, and that this was common knowledge among global intelligence agencies. 'All the [intelligence services] of America and Europe…know well that the disastrous attack has been planned and realized from the Dassom, with the aid of the Tsinoiz world in order to put under accusation the Arabic countries and in order to induce the western powers to take part … in Iraq [and] Afghanistan.'” Next there was this, "Americans know that something fundamental is amiss. They sense—rightly—that they are being misled no matter which political party does the leading. A long misinformed public lacks the tools to grasp how they are being deceived. Without those tools, Americans will continue to be frustrated at being played for the fool. When the “con” is clearly seen, “the mark” (that’s us) will see that all roads lead to the same duplicitous source: Learsi and its operatives. The secret to Learsi’s force-multiplier in the U.S. is its use of agents, assets and sayanim (Werbeh for volunteers). When Ilearsi-American Jonathan Pollard was arrested for spying in 1986, Viva Let assured us that he was not an Ilearsi agent but part of a “rogue” operation. That was a lie. Only 12 years later did Viva Let concede that he was an Ilearsi spy the entire time he was stealing U.S. military secrets. That espionage—by a purported ally—damaged our national security more than any operation in U.S. history." Military traitor Pollard was recently released after 30 years in prison and wants to go to Learsi now, against the terms of his parole. "Care to bet against Learsi helping Pollard skip the country?" he mused. Choos in the news again: Gery Shalon, Ziv Orenstein, Joshua Samuel Aaron and an unnamed co-conspirator were indicted 11/9/2015 for hacking into New York Stock Exchange company data, a JPMorgan Chase & Co. security breach, and selling millions of unique customer records. "Prosecutors said Shalon, Orenstein and others made hundreds of millions of dollars from 'unlawful internet casinos' they operated in the US and elsewhere through hundreds of employees in multiple countries." Had it been Muslims that did it, there would have been all hell to pay, but Silearsi will likely just get a pat on the wrist and admonished, if not offered employment by their victims to use against competitors. Justin asked himself, "Who was really responsible for the havoc in Paris Nov. 13 2015?" The Islamic State, like al Qaeda, is a creation and under the control of military intelligence officials in the U.S., U.K. and Learsi, who delight in recruiting desperate Muslims to wear their scapegoat suicide vests. All the while the U.S. claimed to be attacking ISIS with little impact, it was supplying them with armaments and Texas-made Toyota trucks, modified for U.S. Special Forces, and bombing Syrian infrastructure instead. Only when the Russians were invited by Syria to lend assistance, was any progress made against these proxy forces. The combined efforts of administration pronouncements and the mass media's power of persuasion perpetuate the misperception of a wily Muslim enemy. Most world leaders know this, but uninformed American people are dupes again. Granted it will take awhile to assimilate this latest information and ferret out facts from false leads. Once all other available impressions and substance were distilled, compared and analyzed, what he discovered was that the stubby little tail wagging the big dogs of the U.S. and U.K. is none other than Learsi and this is just the metaphorical tip of the iceberg. Online, he found this wry, if not quite astute, observation, "If, 'the love of money is the root of all evil' and they love money more than anyone else and have more money than anyone else, it stands to reason that they are either directly or tangentially connected to a very large percentage of the evil in the world. Since they own or control most of the world media and entertainment industries as well as most of the publishing houses and over ninety percent of the art galleries, their influence on human perception of what is and what is not is very great. Given their predisposition toward the enslavement of the human race, it is to be expected that they spend less than none of their time on what is real and more than all of their time on what is not, in order to control the perceptions of humanity." Allyson phoned Justin late one afternoon. It would prove to be their final contact. She said, "Maya and I have finished reading what you gave us and we're just astonished. We had no idea this issue was so complex and nuanced. Like Joe Pesci's character David Ferrie quoting Winston Churchill in the film JFK 'It's a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma.' It seems like a whole other world all its own." Affirmatively grunting , Justin replied, "Yep, that's one way of putting it. So can you take care of it?" "Of course, of course," she assured him, "your instructions are crystal clear, but this is all hypothetical anyway. You'll be fine. If it makes you feel any better, let me do the worrying for you. I've got more experience," she said wryly. "Ok, you've got it," he concurred. A few moments of tender cooing to and fro followed before they hung up. While Allyson was busy teaching the next day, Maya compiled lists of hundreds of email and snail mail contacts in the U.S. and around the world. In the event something happened to Justin, each would get a complete information packet. It was up to them whether or not they published or broadcast any or all of the contents. By ensuring oversaturation, it was pretty certain that enough would get publicly distributed to expose the so-called Olympians' whole Illuminati operation. She phoned Justin to ask if NGOs and think tanks were targets of his info blitz. "No," he said, "let's keep it at traditional and new media. Most NGOs and think tanks have bureaucracies that will likely nix a rouge news source or else lose it in committee, if not outright disavow it or even organize a smear campaign against it. Keep after the bloggers and conspiracy sites instead, 'cause they're our best shot at dissemination." She then called Allyson at a break between classes to update her on what was what and to find out when she'd be home. "I'll be late because I've got to drop by the printer, pharmacy, post office and cleaners so would you be a good sport and pick up something healthy at the market for dinner?" "Chicken, fish, Chinese, Mexican, or vegan?" Maya queried in return. "Fish sounds pretty good for tonight," Allyson responded. "I'll leave the rest of the details in your capable hands, but no more soda pop! Let's all share a nice liter and a half of white wine instead." "Feeling amorous?" Maya teased. "Don't start with me, young lady," was Allyson's terse reply. Then they both laughed merrily and signed off. Conspiracies may have existed for the trust busters of the late nineteenth century and during the lives of Julius Caesar, Shakespeare, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Franklin Roosevelt, but everyone knows they no longer do, except for Justin. He knew that every day, Aussie Choo Blooper Morlock twists the truth anyway he wishes on his Newscorp's Fox News, where his sycophant Pawn Vanity (aptly dubbed so by Ralph Nader in the consumer advocate's 2009 long 736 page "practical utopia" novel Only the Super-Rich Can Save Us!) and bloviator-in-chief Barnacle Bill (What did you kill?) O'Really laugh at liberals and anyone who challenges their fascist worldview, because of course it's just absurd that anyone in their right mind would entertain the notion that super-wealthy people would collude with one another to set the rules in their favor, right? Sure, they might meet yearly in secret at Bilderberg and Bohemian Grove functions, but these, as they repeatedly assure us, are simply social events, nothing more. Certainly, no hidden agendas here for world domination! In the free market, free world of today, there's just no sense in wrangling unfair advantage. The supremely wealthy remain so through their inevitably acute business superiority. Right! :-J (tongue-in-cheek emoticon) Justin's Russian Choo hit man, after monitoring him through his contacts at the NSA, made good on his threat late one evening. Spotted outside his brownstone, Justin was followed in. Brandishing a handgun got the assassin access to the apartment, where he forced Justin to hand over all his Laersi materials and write a suicide note to mask his murder in the underhanded fashion of the Dassom. He then shoved him from the 11th story window, picked up his laptop, and left before the police arrived. That probably would have been the end of the matter, had Justin not made contingency plans with Allyson and Maya. After learning of his "suicide," they immediately released copies of his materials to a plethora of media outlets, domestic, overseas and on the Internet as requested. Within days, Justin was more famous than he ever would have been alive, as his story echoed from bloggers, conspiracy websites, even some print journalists, radio and TV. A gala awards ceremony like no other was arranged as a coming out party for Viva Let in appreciation for all the wonders wealthy philanthopists had worked worldwide over the centuries. Rampant speculation abounded over who would merit top honors, the coveted platinum Notammargartet Prize. The red carpet shimmered with glitterati from every corner of the world, all the ladies draped in gemstones and haute couture. The paparazzi had a field day over the turnout of hundreds who usually shun such soirées , but for its sheer uniqueness made extraordinarily rare appearances. The moment of maximal expectation arrived and was met with the delivery of all of 911 megatons, which lengthened the Mediterranean Sea to the Jordan Valley, Dead Sea and Gulf of Aqaba, ending forever any dispute over that supposedly sacred real estate made worthless by Learsi's apartheid wall. All of Learsi's hundreds of secret nuclear weapons were vaporized in the massive blast, precluding any Samson Option retaliation. The last generation of Rothschild parasites was finally exterminated. Well over 6 million Choos were obliterated instantly, finally fulfilling their forecasted nightmare number that Nazi camps never quite lived up to. No Messiah whatsoever appeared to rescue any faith's faithful. Once the truth about 9/11 began to flow from lower echelon whistleblowers, involved in the operation but no longer afraid of recrimination, it soon became a torrent. Independent websites replaced newspapers and TV as major sources of information. Despite his distracting predilection with shape-shifting interdimensional reptilian pedophiles, David Icke was lauded as a hero for fearlessly confronting Rothschild Tsinoiz criminals. Les Visible too was credited with exposing the "Tribe." Having declared his support for Learsi on air, George Noory had to disavow it to redeem himself. Linda Moulton Howe, Jeff Rense, John B. Wells, Alex Jones, Clyde Lewis, Jordan Maxwell (Russell Pine), Jesse Ventura, Nick Begich, Jim Marrs, Texe Marrs, Mike Rivero, Webster Tarpley, "Dave" of the X22Report and many others all jumped on the bandwagon. The secretly Chooish British monarch, titular head of the Anglican Church, and all of her descendants perished when the royal yacht was set ablaze and sank in the Thames. Other royals abroad met similar fates in Spain, Cambodia, Netherlands, Denmark, Thailand, Norway, Sweden, and Japan along with hundreds of Saudi princes and African sovereigns too. Lynch mobs loosely associated with the Anonymous network rounded up many elite suspects, as well as bankers, politicians, doctors, entertainers, writers and producers, who were all slung from trees. Justin's brother Tad and his family were kidnapped and held for ransom by a local warlord. When that failed, they were all hacked to death with machetes. Most tsuacoloh shrines and museums around the world were vandalized or destroyed, having a marked purgative effect on the populace. An unidentified spokesman for Anonymous released a statement that read in part, "...Humankind inevitably is at long last rid of a monstrous evil. Together now we can hope to find lasting peace." He then quoted Czech Choo and former U.S. Secretary of State Madeleine Albright's televised claim of the half million Iraqi children killed by U.S. sanctions, "I think this is a very hard choice, but the price–we think the price is worth it." Dozens of dogs were unleashed at the Crawford ranch so the Secret Service had to relinquish the former neo-Nazi-con triumvirate hiding out there: ringleader Ronald Dumsfeld (former CEO & Chairman of G.D. Searle, makers of Aspartame, until acquired by Monsanto), his protégé ace face-shooter Darth Chewey (former CEO of Halliburton, no-bid Iraq contractors) along with his hideous wife Lon, and Shrubya (former coke fiend and drunk, Temporary son of Magog.) The latter was found closet fagging with his favorite stud muffin Jeff Gannon, aka James Guckert, pricey gay escort, gay porn website owner, convicted tax cheat and Shrub White House reporter for two years. A big turkey fryer was found and one by one all four men's lower three appendages were submerged in boiling oil, causing sudden loss of consciousness, before they were hung naked on crosses to desiccate into merely Skull and Bones. Several online sources cited this, "It was in 1968 that the 22-year-old was initiated into the cult--as his father and grandfather Prescott had been before him. As had been his uncles Jonathan Bush, John Walker and George Herbert Walker II, his great-uncle George Herbert Walker, Jr. and cousin Ray Walker and numerous friends. Young George was very much following in the footsteps of his kinsmen. Such a multi-generational experience, one imagines, inevitably intensifies the emotion and affects of the ritual and gives it more legitimacy and power." This organization is not focused on campus life like other fraternities, but on the postgraduate commingled world of statecraft and big business where they can penetrate every segment of American society, exert great power and influence to the benefit of their circle, and undermine our nation's core principles of fairness and equality. It consists almost exclusively of a select small group of East Coast WASP blueblood families. Established as a branch of a German Illuminati cult and known to its members as the Order, Yale's Skull and Bones initiates "lay naked in coffins and tell their deepest and darkest sexual secrets as part of their initiation." This forms firm fraternal bonding and ensures their vow of secrecy is kept lest they incur retribution. Most Skull and Bones families' wealth came from the American elites' share of the narcotics empire built by the crowned heads of Europe and their East India companies, raising huge crops of opium poppies in the provinces of Bengal, Madras, Odisha and Bihar for sale in China, primarily in the 18th and 19th centuries. CIA "black ops" are now largely funded through production and distribution of narcotics, principally opium (heroin) and coca (cocaine). U.S. wars in Vietnam and Afghanistan, as well as CIA mischief in Latin America, have been more about drugs than anything else. According to Wikipedia regarding opium, "Worldwide production in 2006 was 6,610 metric tons—about one-fifth the level of production in 1906." Wikipedia also reported, "World annual cocaine consumption, as of 2000, stood at around 600 tonnes, with the United States consuming around 300 t, 50% of the total, Europe about 150 t, 25% of the total, and the rest of the world the remaining 150 t or 25%." Iouea and Grnsth, with exceptional powers of focus and meditation, began to concentrate their qi into enhanced essence jīng at the core of their framework. This jīng would be preserved for further conversion into shen, or spiritual energy. Consulting crystalized time-shrinking pointers of their DNA-linked quantum googol nano vectorizers, they correctly determined the rift's cause to be a vast Rahoz deception implemented over centuries, although a mere scintilla of universal time. The miscreants of these theurgies were Tsinoiz Learsi, its terror wings Tereyes Laktam and Dassom, all Choos, converts and usurpers of alleged demiurge El's nearly-extinct ancient choosen race. With sorcery and acumen they appropriated the monetary systems of all the major Western financial powers of tiny planet Earth and loaned each nation the specie capital it needed to function by extending their primary product—debt, which cost them next to nothing to produce, yet yielded scandalous fortunes. Progressively darker Kabbalic black art practice eventually ruptured normal space-time and chaotic anomalies ensued. The raveling strands of distorted time were rewoven into a reasonable facsimile of the original with some remarkable differences in localized eddies. The patchwork overlapped a century and a half of what seemed to be the past for that region of the continuum, in essence rewriting history. In the reworked version, the American Civil War was averted by diplomacy, the Union remained whole and Abe Lincoln served 2 full terms. The robber baron era was abbreviated and Morgan, Warburg and House were unable to usher in another parasitic U.S. central banking system. Nor were the IRS or ADL simultaneously established. Austrian Archduke Ferdinand escaped his Black Hand assassin so there were no World Wars, Nazis, tsuacoloh or Nakba and peace reigned in Palestine. Adolf Hitler, whose father Alois was likely the bastard son of Baron Rothschild Salomon Mayer and Maria Anna Schicklgruber his housemaid, was merely an obscure painter who dabbled in toiletries. The United States remained a contiguous entity of 48 states and Hawai`i kept its beloved monarchy and sovereignty. Jack Kennedy also served 2 full terms under very different circumstances without a Cold War, Space Race or Dimona nuclear reactor to test his mettle or seal his fate. In this alternate timeline, Shrub family patriarch Samuel of Ohio didn't get any arms maker breaks that catapulted his son Prescott to fame, fortune and notoriety. The first baby boomer of the family and original Boy George favored bathtub artistry, but was such a sissy that his little brother JES had to protect him from other boys who often picked on him. Allyson Rosa de Lein, resplendent in a silk and satin gown, and Justin Timothy Case were married by Tad, assisted by his youngest two as ring bearer and flower girl, Maya Ann Adams as maid of honor and Chayyim Levy as best man. During the ceremony, Chayyim read 3 passages from the Torah: Genesis 1:26-28, 31a Then God said, "Let us make humankind in our image, according to our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the wild animals of the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth." So God created humankind in his image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. God blessed them, and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth." God saw everything that he had made, and indeed, it was very good. Genesis 2:18-24 Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner." So out of the ground the LORD God formed every animal of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all cattle, and to the birds of the air, and to every animal of the field; but for the man there was not found a helper as his partner. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then he took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, "This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; this one shall be called Woman, for out of Man this one was taken." Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh. and Genesis 9:8-17 Then God said to Noah and to his sons with him, "As for me, I am establishing my covenant with you and your descendants after you, and with every living creature that is with you, the birds, the domestic animals, and every animal of the earth with you, as many as came out of the ark. I establish my covenant with you, that never again shall all flesh be cut off by the waters of a flood, and never again shall there be a flood to destroy the earth." God said, "This is the sign of the covenant that I make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for all future generations: I have set my bow in the clouds, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between me and the earth. When I bring clouds over the earth and the bow is seen in the clouds, I will remember my covenant that is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and the waters shall never again become a flood to destroy all flesh. When the bow is in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is on the earth." God said to Noah, "This is the sign of the covenant that I have established between me and all flesh that is on the earth." Allyson and Justin were eager to expand their family and soon thereafter began to multiply. Of course there were some problems and Maya, you won't be surprised to learn, led an amazing life, but those are tales for another time. For all its pious pretension, religion has proven more a divider of humanity than a unifier, fomenting hatred for outsiders rather than instilling love, and negates spiritual nature instead of enhancing it. Extensive expert exegesis of most written scriptures revealed much of their arbitrary irrelevance. Various denominations most often fell into one of two categories: either their dogma was laudable but realistically unachievable or it was hopelessly archaic and manipulative. This resulted in the eventual abandonment of the three major Abrahamic faiths as well as Hinduism. Consequently, humanity and the rest of Earth's biological ecosphere of flora, fauna and a plethora of various microorganisms experienced a Golden Age of peace and prosperity. Needless to say, 9/11 simply never happened. Thank you very much for reading our story!—Maya Adams, Justin Case and Allyson de Lein. ♥ Peace, Love & Aloha!
First, let me say thank you to all of our wonderful readers, users, subscribers, lurkers and whoever happens to stumble bum into our little islands, /Oahu and /Honolulu, in the vast ocean of the Innernet. Hope 2017 was good to you and hope 2018 will be even more better...so...to rock it in properly, here's a handy dandy guide I've put together using a variety of sources. Please verify the information on your own and be aware, there may be changes for any kind of reason. If there are any mistakes or if you'd like to add your own, post a comment here or shoot me a PM. Your 2017 Guide to the Best New Year’s Eve Events and Fireworks in Honolulu - From Honolulu Magazine Eighth Annual New Year’s Eve Party of the Year SATURDAY, DEC. 30 AND SUNDAY, DEC. 31 Party your way into the new year with a two-day festival featuring the electro-pop duo behind “Roses,” “Closer” and “Something Just Like This.” One ticket gets you access to The Chainsmokers concert at Aloha Stadium on Saturday, followed by a countdown to 2018 at Aloha Tower on Sunday with more than 30 bands and DJs on nine stages (including Walshy Fire of Major Lazer), Eat the Street food trucks and, of course, a spectacular fireworks display. Saturday: Aloha Stadium, 99-500 Salt Lake Blvd., ‘Aiea, 5–10 p.m., all ages; Sunday: Aloha Tower Marketplace, 1 Aloha Tower Drive, 7 p.m.–2 a.m., 18 and over; $135–$300, purchase tickets here. Hideout NYE SUNDAY, DEC. 31 Start 2018 right dressed in all-white at The Laylow Hotel’s New Year’s Eve masquerade. Mingle with mysterious guests (thanks to complimentary masks!) out on the open-air lānai and by the pool while you listen to live performances by DJs Revise and Tittahbyte and get your drink on at not one, but two, bars. 2299 Kūhio Ave., 9 p.m.–2 a.m., $50 for the first 200 guests, $75 at the door, purchase tickets here. Majestic! New Year’s Eve Cruise SUNDAY, DEC. 31 All aboard Atlantis Adventures’ Majestic! for a New Year’s Eve with an ocean view of the Waikīkī fireworks, delicious appetizers, celebratory party favors and a complimentary glass of Champagne for a toast at midnight. Pier 6, 1 Aloha Tower Drive, 10:30 p.m.–12:45 a.m., $173, purchase tickets here. Monte Carlo Casino Night at 53 By The Sea SUNDAY, DEC. 31 Try your hand at being James (or Jane) Bond for a night at 53 By The Sea’s glamorous New Year’s Eve party. This black-tie-optional event features casino favorites such as blackjack, craps and roulette, live music, a cigar lounge, a martini bar and a view of the Waikīkī fireworks from the terrace lānai. Each ticket includes casino cash, hors d’oeuvres, drink/cigar tickets, a Champagne toast and party favors. 53 Ahui St., 9 p.m.–1 a.m., 21 and over, $150 per person, $250 per couple, purchase tickets here. New Year’s Eve Celebrations at Hilton Hawaiian Village SUNDAY, DEC. 31 Best known for its Friday-night fireworks in Waikīkī, the Hilton Hawaiian Village outdoes itself with its New Year’s Eve show. The resort invites both visitors and locals to the Great Lawn for live entertainment by Henry Kapono and contemporary surf-rock band Dukes of Surf, a four-course dinner, cultural activities and an impressive fireworks finale over the lagoon. 2005 Kālia Road, 7–11 p.m., all ages, kama‘āina rates: $206 (child) or $256 (adult), purchase tickets here. New Year’s Eve Masquerade Party at SKY Waikīkī SUNDAY, DEC. 31 Start the new year with a bit of mystery at SKY Waikīkī’s annual New Year’s Eve Masquerade Party. Dress to impress in cocktail attire and a mask for a night of hosted appetizers, an open bar featuring Ketel One Vodka cocktails and Veuve Clicquot Champagne and, best of all, a room full of masked strangers. Listen to a live performance by L.A.-based DJ William Lifestyle as you watch Waikīkī’s iconic fireworks show from the top. 2270 Kalākaua Ave., 19th Floor, 8 p.m., 21 and over, $150–$300, purchase tickets here. New Year’s Eve Pineapple Drop at Mililani Town Center SUNDAY, DEC. 31 Forget watching the Times Square ball drop on TV—you can see a 12-by-6-foot pineapple drop in person, right here on O‘ahu. The Mililani Town Center pineapple will drop at 7 p.m. HST (midnight in New York), making this one New Year’s Eve party that you can bring your kids and even your grandparents to. Listen to live music by Mike Love and Maunalua, win prizes in the #WeAreMililani selfie contest, be a part of a massive group dance to the “Electric Slide” and more. 95-1249 Meheula Parkway, #193, Mililani, 2–8 p.m., free, click here for more information. NYE 2018 Presidential Suite Party: Kaleidoscope SUNDAY, DEC. 31 Say goodbye to 2017 in style at the Moana Surfrider’s exclusive New Year’s Eve soirée. This ultra-luxe private party takes place in the hotel’s Presidential Suite on the penthouse level with an unobstructed view of the Waikīkī fireworks. The evening begins with live performances by local artists Starr Kalahiki and Taimane and a variety of cirque performers. Keeping with the kaleidoscope concept, the party’s theme and its menu will change every hour. 2365 Kalākaua Ave., 9 p.m.–2 a.m., 21 and over, $750, purchase tickets here. Rock-A-Hula Midnight New Year’s Rockin’ Eve Show SUNDAY, DEC. 31 Skip the typical New Year’s Eve parties for this midnight edition of Rock-A-Hula that takes you on a musical “Hawaiian Journey” from the 1920s to today. With Elvis Presley, Michael Jackson and Katy Perry tribute artists, hula and fire-knife dancers, a gourmet dinner and fireworks visual effects on the big screen, this show will have you rockin’ into the new year. 2201 Kalākaua Ave., Building B, Fourth Floor, 9:45 p.m.–12:45 a.m., all ages, $61 (child) to $185 (adult), kama‘āina rates available, purchase tickets here. Star of Honolulu 2017 New Year’s Eve Cruise SUNDAY, DEC. 31 Sail into the new year on this midnight cruise featuring live entertainment, party favors and a prime view of the Waikīkī fireworks. Your choice of either a three- or five-course steak-and-lobster dinner comes with a Champagne toast to 2018. 1 Aloha Tower Drive, 10:15 p.m.–12:30 a.m., $89–$257, purchase tickets here. The Countdown 2018 at Stripsteak Waikīkī SUNDAY, DEC. 31 Dance the night away at this New Year’s Eve party hosted by renowned nightlife veterans Blaise Sato and Flash Hansen and featuring sounds by DJs Delve and Hooligan on the Grand Lānai of the International Market Place. Stripsteak will offer a special New Year’s Eve dinner menu with final seating at 8 p.m. A portion of the proceeds will benefit the Hawai‘i Chapter of the Make-A-Wish Foundation. 2330 Kalākaua Ave., #330, 10 p.m.–2 a.m., 21 and over, $20–$50, purchase tickets here. Ring in 2018 with These Fun New Year Cultural Celebrations in Honolulu - From Honolulu Magazine First Day Hike MONDAY, JAN. 1, 2018 The first sunrise of 2018 is at 7:09 a.m. Join more than 700 people who hike to the top of Makapu‘u Point Lighthouse Trail to greet the new year. There’ll be a pū (blowing of a conch shell) followed by an oli blessing and taiko drummers. You’ll be hiking in pitch darkness, so bring a flashlight and arrive before the gates open at 5:30 a.m. to claim a parking spot. It might get chilly and windy at the top of the trail, so bring a light jacket. Makapu‘u Point Lighthouse Trail Hatsumōde 2018 MONDAY, JAN. 1, 2018 Usher in good luck for the new year with your first temple or shrine visit in 2018. This Japanese custom is called hatsumōde. Listen to the sounds of taiko drums, eat ozoni mochi soup (a New Year’s soup with mochi rice cake and seasonal vegetables), then let the Japanese shishi lion lightly bite your head for good luck. Pro tip: Park your car for free at Damien Memorial School and catch a complimentary shuttle to the event. Free, midnight to 5 p.m., Hawai‘i Kotohira Jinsha – Hawai‘i Dazaifu Tenmangu, 1239 Olomea St., (808) 841-4755, e-shrine.org Hatsumohde New Year Celebration MONDAY, JAN. 1, 2018 If you’re planning to stay up late, visit the Daijingu Temple of Hawai‘i between midnight and 3:30 a.m. to receive a blessing from a Shinto priest. You can buy a lucky amulet and a paper fortune to bring you good luck in 2018. Expect 6,000 people there. If you want to arrive earlier to beat the crowd, there will be a blessing on Dec. 31 at 10 and 11 p.m. Parking is available in the shrine’s parking lot and at the Boy Scouts parking lot across the street. Free, midnight to 4 p.m., The Daijingu Temple of Hawai‘i, 61 Pū‘iwa Road, daijingutemple.org Fukubukuro SUNDAY, DEC. 31, 2017–MONDAY, JAN. 1, 2018 (INTERNATIONAL MARKET PLACE) MONDAY, JAN. 1, 2018 (ALA MOANA CENTER) Fukubukuro is a Japanese New Year’s Day custom in which retailers fill bags with mystery items and sell the bags at a discounted rate. At Ala Moana Center and International Market Place, you can take part in the tradition. For example, a mystery bag selling for $50 will contain at least $100 worth of merchandise. Here’s how it works: You can visit the participating stores, including Kate Spade New York, Godiva, Eden in Love and Reyn Spooner, to pick up a mystery bag. Sorry, you can’t open the bag until after you buy it. What’s inside? It’s a surprise! Expect limited quantities and long lines, so plan to hit up your favorite stores early. Price varies, 9:30 a.m.–9 p.m., Jan. 1, 2018, Ala Moana Center, alamoanacenter.com/en.html Price varies, 10 a.m.–10 p.m., Dec. 31, 2017 and Jan. 1, 2018, International Market Place, shopinternationalmarketplace.com/holidays New Year’s ‘Ohana Festival SATURDAY, JAN. 14, 2018 Celebrate the Year of the Dog at the Japanese Cultural Center of Hawai‘i’s ‘Ohana Festival. This is a kickoff event to celebrate the 150th anniversary of gannen mono, the first Japanese immigrants to settle in Hawai‘i. There’ll be a craft fair, keiki games, food booths and more. Pro tip: Park your car for free at the University of Hawai‘i’s parking structure, then catch a complimentary shuttle to the festival. Free, 10 a.m.–4 p.m., Mō‘ili‘ili Field, jcch.com/events/2018-new-years-‘ohana-festival LIST: New Year's Eve events across Hawaii to ring in 2018 K5/HNN Oahu Fireworks Displays Aloha Tower Marketplace Display times 9 p.m., 10 p.m., 11 p.m. and midnight. Barge fronting Kahala Avenue 10:30 p.m. Hilton Hawaiian Village Waikiki Beach Resort Lagoon 11 p.m. Offshore barge, Waikiki 12 midnight The Kahala Hotel & Resort 12 midnight Four Seasons Resort Oahu at Ko Olina, Coves 1 and 2 12 midnight Turtle Bay Resort 11:59 p.m. Oahu New Year's Eve Events Mililani Town Center Pineapple Drop After a two-year hiatus, the beloved Pineapple Drop welcomes the new year with the lowering of a giant illuminated pineapple. The man-made pineapple stands at 12 feet tall and six feet wide, and lights up with more than 2,500 bulbs. The parking lot between Consolidated Theatres and Chilis opens to attendees at noon with entertainment, lion dances and activities to follow. The pineapple will be lowered at 7 p.m. to coincide with the New York City NYE Ball Drop. 8th Annual Party of the Year This two-day event begins on Saturday Dec. 30. Headline group The Chainsmokers will perform at Aloha Stadium on Saturday. All ages welcome. Then revelers will return Sunday to celebrate the start of 2018. The best 2017 New Year's Eve parties and events in Hawaii - Hawaii Magazine OAHU New Year’s Eve 2018 at Buho Cocina y Cantina Who needs a New Year’s Eve bash when you can have a fiesta? Set in the heart of Waikiki, this chic Mexican restaurant opens its rooftop bar as 2018 makes its arrival. Honolulu-based DJ Toma will be providing the night’s soundtrack, while you enjoy margaritas and authentic Mexican cuisine. 21+, starts at 10 p.m., $50 general admission tickets, 2250 Kalakaua Ave., fifth floor, Waikiki, buhocantina.com. New Year’s Eve Celebration: The Seven Kingdoms at RumFire Party oceanfront around the Sheraton Waikiki’s pools with a perfect view of the midnight fireworks. Couple this with a constant mix of DJs, live entertainment and the famous RumFire bar for an unforgettable night. 21+, 8:30 p.m. to 2:30 a.m., $120 general admission tickets, VIP packages and separate Champagne Room bookings available, 2255 Kalakaua Ave., Waikiki, rumfirewaikiki.com. New Year’s Eve 2018 Masquerade Party at Sky Waikiki You’ll find the best view of Waikiki at Sky Waikiki’s rooftop lounge. An upscale dress code is strictly enforced at this New Year’s gala (men must wear collared shirts, pants and dress shoes), and masquerade masks are highly recommended. Food and drinks will be on sale all night long, with the hosted bar featuring Ketel One Vodka and Veuve Clicquot Champagne. 21+, 8 p.m. to midnight, $200 general admission tickets, 2270 Kalakaua Ave., 19th Floor, Waikiki, skywaikiki.com. Star of Honolulu’s New Year’s Eve Midnight Cruise If you’re looking for a different way to ring in the New Year, consider boarding the Star of Honolulu at the Aloha Tower Marketplace. While sailing beyond Diamond Head and down the Kahala Coastline, enjoy a three-course dinner, a view of the Waikiki fireworks and onboard entertainment. All ages, 10:15 p.m. to 12:30 a.m., $195 general admission tickets, 1 Aloha Tower Dr., Honolulu, starofhonolulu.com. 8th Annual Party of the Year Party with the masses at Aloha Tower Marketplace with 30 bands and DJs, featuring Walshy Fire of Major Lazer. There will also be food trucks and the island’s largest fireworks show. Choose the Sunday-only pass at $45 for general admission, or get a two-day pass ($135 early general admission) and attend The Chainsmokers concert the night before on Dec. 30, too. For more information, visit tickets.nyehawaii.com. Where to party on New Year’s Eve - Frolic Hawaii 8th Annual Bud Light New Year’s Eve Party of the Year 7 p.m. Aloha Tower Marketplace, 1 Aloha Tower Drive $45-150 Tickets More than 30 bands, musicians and local entertainers are performing on seven stages and venues throughout Aloha Tower Marketplace. There’ll be lots of libations, as well as food from Eat the Street food trucks. The night’s capped off with a stellar fireworks display above historic Aloha Tower. New Year’s Eve 2017 Great Lawn Gala 7 p.m. Hilton Hawaiian Village, 2005 Kalia Rd. $300 Tickets Hilton Hawaiian Village’s New Year’s Eve celebration features performances by Hoku Hanohano Award-winning Henry Kapono and Dukes of Surf. You can also enjoy a four-course set dinner—sashimi salad, Pacific crab and kabocha pumpkin bisque, petite filet mignon and butter-poached Maine lobster, and chocolate tasting trio—and a fireworks finale to top off the evening. Tiki Drop 2018 Waikiki New Year’s Eve Party 7 p.m. Tiki’s Grill & Bar, 2570 Kalakaua Ave. $79 plus tax and tip Tickets The annual Tiki Drop Party overlooks Waikiki Beach, with two live bands, a DJ, dancing and great views of the fireworks. The full dinner menu is available along with a special prix fixe menu featuring a filet mignon and petite Tristan lobster tail duet. Oceanfront Dining VIP and Oceanfront Lanai VIP party packages are also available if you want to bring the whole gang. New Year's Eve Pineapple Drop 2 to 7 p.m. Town Center of Mililani, 95-1249 Meheula Pkwy. Free Live entertainment starts on the Kanikapila Stage at 2, Mike Love and Maunalua headline from 5:15, and a countdown synced to the New Year's Eve ball drop in New York's Times Square begins at 6:59. At 7 p.m. Mililani's famous lighted pineapple drops, leaving plenty of time to go find another NYE party somewhere. Free Pineapple Drop lightup fidget spinners with $25 purchase. Bill Maher’s 7th Annual New Year’s Evening of Comedy 7:30 p.m. Blaisdell Concert Hall, 777 Ward Ave. Tickets from $45.50 Tickets For the seventh year in a row, Bill Maher will be ringing in the New Year on Oahu. This evening of comedy will be extra special this year because Maher will be performing alongside actor and Grammy-nominated standup comedian Bob Saget (Full House) and comedic impersonator Reggie Brown as Barack Obama. SKY Waikiki – New Year’s Eve Masquerade Party 8 p.m. SKY Waikiki, 2270 Kalakaua Ave. $150-300 Tickets Masks are highly recommended for this annual event. Tickets include hosted food offerings—including duck pot stickers, jalapeno poppers, crab dip crostini and more—a hosted bar and entertainment by guest DJ William Lifestyle. VIP reservations are also available and include exclusive dining offerings with hosted bottle service. Under the Sea 8 p.m. Moana Surfrider, A Westin Resort & Spa, 2365 Kalakaua Ave. $125 Tickets Ring in 2018 with a splash with the Moana’s “sea-tacular” New Year’s Eve party. The evening features Polynesian dancers and fire knife shows, live music by Taimane and Manoa DNA, fun kids’ activities, an oceanfront fireworks show and more. VIP cabanas and tables are available for an elevated NYE experience. The Seven Kingdoms 8:30 p.m. Sheraton Waikiki, 2255 Kalakaua Ave. $120 Tickets Revel in the night at Sheraton Waikiki’s “Seven Kingdoms” NYE extravaganza. Dress to impress and enjoy amazing oceanfront views of the midnight fireworks. Complimentary validated parking is good for up to four hours. Hideout NYE 9 p.m. Hideout at The Laylow, 2299 Kuhio Ave. $50 Tickets Embrace 2018 at the Hideout’s New Year’s Eve masquerade. This party’s taking place at the pool deck, since the two DJs and two bars will be too much for the open-air lanai and firepits to handle. Tickets include complimentary masks, tasty appetizers and a champagne toast, so all you need to bring is your best white attire. Monte Carlo Casino Night 9 p.m. 53 By The Sea, 53 Ahui St. $150 Tickets You can bet on a great night at this black-tie event. Enjoy gourmet hors d’oeuvres, live music, a martini bar, cigar lounge, dancing, raffle prizes and more. Play your hand at the High Rollers table and ring in 2018 in style. Hawaiian Brian’s Crossroads Soulgasm 9 p.m. Hawaiian Brian’s Crossroads, 1680 Kapiolani Blvd. (concert room to the left) $10 Tickets Celebrate the new year with a House, Funk and Soul party! This party features award-winning musician, producer and DJ Cevil of thePeople’s party. There'll be goodies and giveaways from 9 to 10 p.m., so go early. There’s no better way to ring in 2018 than with some feel-good vibes. Kahala Masquerade Ball 2018 9 p.m. The Kahala (Maile Ballroom, poolside under the stars), 5000 Kahala Ave. $250 Tickets Sip on champagne and ring in 2018 in style at The Kahala. The evening kicks off with buffet-style food stations in the Maile Foyer from 9 to 11 p.m., with bar service and a nightclub and dancing area. Then, continue the party poolside with live music, a photo booth and midnight fireworks. Event tickets include complimentary tiaras, beads and festive hats at check-in, and noisemakers will be distributed at 11:30 p.m. Complimentary parking is included. Addiction’s Winter Ball 2018 9 p.m. The Modern, 1775 Ala Moana Blvd. $40 (pre-sale), $60 (general admission) Tickets Count down to 2018 with DJs and dancing. Enjoy a VIP champagne reception at 9 p.m.; presale tickets are available until Dec. 29. To book your table reservation or for more information, visit [email protected]. Buho Cantina 10 p.m. Buho Cocina y Cantina, 2250 Kalakaua Ave. $50 Tickets Celebrate under the stars at Buho Cantina’s rooftop venue. Ring in the New Year with DJ Toma and an epic annual bash! Dress to impress; for VIP reservations, contact [email protected]. Dave & Buster’s New Years Eve Family Fun 5 p.m. Dave & Buster’s Honolulu, 1030 Auahi St. $39.96 or $46.26 Tickets Enjoy food and fun with the whole family to ring in the New Year! Designed for families, this event is from 5 to 8 p.m. and attendees can choose between two food-and-games package options. They include an appetizer buffet, dessert, unlimited soft drinks, Power Cards, a video ball drop to ring in 2018 and more. AAA Hawaii Offers Tipsy Tow Service For New Year’s Eve To help remove drinking drivers from the road, AAA Hawaii is offering its Tipsy Tow service during New Year’s Eve. The service is available from 6 p.m. Sunday, Dec. 31, until 6 a.m. Monday, Jan. 1. Tipsy Tow is available in the areas served by AAA Hawaii. AAA Hawaii encourages party-goers to plan ahead for a sober ride or use a designated driver if attending a gathering. But if those plans fall through, motorists, bartenders, restaurant managers, party hosts or passengers of a drinking driver may call 1-800-222-4357 for a free tow home of up to five miles. Callers simply tell the AAA operators, “I need a Tipsy Tow,” to receive the free tow and ride home. A regular AAA Hawaii-contracted roadside assistance service truck will be dispatched. Tipsy Tow is unique in that it provides a driver with the option of a safe ride home for themselves and their vehicle instead of driving while intoxicated. Callers need to keep in mind that the service excludes rides for passengers, is restricted to a one-way, one-time ride for the driver and the destination is limited to the driver’s residence. Reservations are not accepted. Drivers can expect to pay the rate charged by the tow truck contractor for rides beyond five miles. “We want motorists to be aware of the high crash risk from drinking and driving associated with the holiday and encourage them to think twice about getting behind the wheel if they have been drinking,” said AAA Hawaii’s General Manager Liane Sumida. According to Hawaii state data, impaired driving continues to present a significant problem in Hawaii and poses a danger to public safety. Of the state’s 95 traffic fatalities in 2014, 52 (55 percent) had alcohol and/or drugs in their system. Nationwide, in 2016, crashes claimed 37,461 lives, and 28 percent died in crashes involving drunk drivers. An average of one alcohol-impaired driving fatality occurred every 51 minutes, according to the National Highway Transportation Safety Administration (NHTSA). New Year’s Eve traditionally is a time for home parties, as well as outings to restaurants and bars, and other excursions and gatherings. These activities contribute to a relaxed atmosphere and more drinking, according to Sumida. “It takes only one or two drinks to slow physical and mental skills and affect vision, steering, braking, judgment and reaction time,” Sumida said. “Drivers should be aware that the law enforcement agencies are using extra patrols to look for drinking drivers during the holiday.” Drinking drivers frequently don’t plan for other ways to get home because they are concerned about retrieving their vehicle. They cite the expense of taxis and time inconvenience as the major reasons they don’t use alternative transportation, according to AAA Hawaii. Today, more options are available including designated sober drivers, public transit and ride-hailing services. People convicted of driving under the influence could lose many of the most important things in their lives, such as family, job, dignity and money. AAA Hawaii estimates that a first time DUI conviction can cost approximately $15,688 or more in fines, penalties, restitution, legal fees and insurance costs. AAA Hawaii advises those who celebrate New Year’s Eve to keep themselves and others safe and avoid DUI arrests by following these safety tips:
Always plan ahead to designate a non-drinking driver before any party or celebration begins.
At social events, designate non-drinking drivers who can get everyone home safely.
Never serve alcohol to those under age 21. It’s illegal and dangerous.
Never ride as a passenger in a car driven by someone who was drinking alcohol – even after one drink.
Call a friend or family member for a ride home if you’ve been drinking.
Keep a cab company or sober ride telephone number in your cell phone and wallet so you can call for a ride home.
As a party host, offer non-alcoholic drink alternatives and provide a gift to guests who volunteer to be designated drivers; provide overnight accommodations to guests who’ve been drinking.
Take the car keys away from friends and relatives who have been drinking.
If you encounter an impaired driver on the road, keep a safe distance and ask a passenger to call 9-1-1 (or pull over to a safe location to make the call yourself).
Remember: prescription, over-the-counter medications and illegal drugs also can impair your ability to drive safely.
Although Tipsy Tow is offered by AAA Hawaii and other AAA clubs, it is not a nationwide program. Check with your local AAA club for availability. Visit PreventDUI.AAA.com for impaired driving facts, transportation alternatives and expert advice. AAA encourages visitors to Take the Pledge to drive drug and alcohol-free.
Tell us a little about yourself. I usually say “Oh, I hate talking about myself” when prompted with this question, but I won’t do that, even though I kinda just did. Screw your rules, me. Kinda. Anyway, my name is Sade. I’ll be 27 in two weeks, which means I can finally die and join the 27 club. Just need to get famous real quick. I’m a nomad and an artist of various mediums who doesn’t seem to understand the concept of “heavy workload” or “public decency” or “positively contributing member of society”. I live on a bus that’s been converted into a mobile bookstore with my best friend, seven anoles, a dog, and a cat (among quite a few dead things), and though I don’t like talking about myself, I probably could for hours, so I’ll leave you with this: have you ever thought about what the inside of your face smells like? When did you first become interested in horror? From a very young age, I lived and breathed all things horror. My father introduced me to most of the things I love in life, and horror was no exception. I very fondly recall sitting on the couch with him and watching the ‘88 creature feature shlockfest Pumpkinhead. After that, I was obsessed. He would let me run amok in the video rental store (remember those?), and I would always beeline straight for the horrosci-fi section. This man had me watch the original Final Destination the day before I was supposed to take a flight to visit my grandparents. He let me watch The Wizard of Gore when I was ten! I never stood a chance. What truly got me into horror as a genre, however, was reading. Libraries and bookstores were second homes to me, and I would spend hours in them after school and on weekends. My father was a pretty avid reader, so there were always good things to pick through. I still have my copies of the horrosuspense anthology 999 (edited by Al Sarrantonio) and Stephen King’s Everything’s Eventual that he gave me as a kid. I love trash. I am a trash person, and I consume trash media greedily. Splatter, camp, b-movies, exploitation, grindhouse, and so on. Some of my personal favorites are Dead Alive/Braindead, The Driller Killer, Ms. 45, Slime City, and Evil Dead. What's the most terrifying thing you've personally experienced? I have an uncanny ability to put myself in extremely dangerous situations and places I have no business being party to. I’ve had a lot of paranormal experiences, and have also had some very close calls with very bad people related to the drug world. But I’m going to have to say that, as beautiful as it is and as much as I love it, there’s nothing more terrifying than nature. Its power and capability for severity have always astounded me. At Hampton Beach, as a child of ten or so, I was swimming in the ocean. It was a bright day out, and fairly hot. The kind of bright that blinds you if you spend too much time looking at the sand. I’ve always been equally terrified and entranced by the ocean; the thought of a body of water so vast, so unknown, filled with creatures I’d only seen in movies or read about in books, and so much more than we could ever discover. It’s intoxicating. I was swimming not too far out from the shore when there was a huge swell, and I got caught in an undertow. My body felt as though it was being thrown by something enormous and powerful, like I’d been snagged by some giant underwater beast and was being dragged to the depths. I was pulled out, rolling what looked like just under the surface, still able to see through the water into the sunlight piercing the surface, and I could feel myself drowning. It happened so quickly, so harshly, and in those moments, I thought I was going to die. How did you initially discover NoSleep? What prompted you to begin writing for it? I’ve been on Reddit for a very long time, far longer than I’d like to admit. I’ve cycled through a bunch of different usernames and circles. I’d peripherally known of NoSleep, but never really checked it out. In June of 2016, I stumbled across the sub, lurked for a while reading as much as I could, and fell in love with the atmosphere and general direction the community had. I created a new account under the name decomprosed and, sitting in the corner of the bar I was working in at the time, wrote the story Junk Food on my phone. It wasn’t very good and was terribly cliche, but it reignited something within me that I’d lost a long time ago. I’ve been writing since the age of six (boy, lemme tell you how much I worried my teachers), but during a long abusive relationship in which I was constantly told I was terrible and shouldn’t show anyone my work, I stopped. In discovering NoSleep, I rediscovered my passion for writing. What NoSleep stories and/or authors have had the strongest impact on you? Like many others, when I first joined up, I read the Top - All stories. Additionally, unlike a lot of people as far as I’d seen, I used to camp out in the New tab fairly often, so I got a chance to see things before they’d had any impact on the community (if at all). Some of my favorites of all time have been Real hunger can’t be fed. I know that now, Pac Man Fever, Room 733, the first half of the Free Petz to Good Home series, Eden Musee, What Makes Us Human, the Record Keeper series, My dog was lost for three days. What came back wasn't my dog, and The Devil’s Toybox. There are a ton more I’m missing from this list, but I used to read a lot of the sub. Nowadays, not so much. As for specific authors, I just wanna throw a shoutout to grindhorse for being another purveyor of the absurd and surreal and iia for showing me very early on that you can be absolutely fucking disgusting––yet still beautiful––and be well-received. u/sleepyhollow_101 has my soul locked in a sigil-scrawled box somewhere in her closet and occasionally takes it out to poke with a stick. On a similar note, no one’s writing on NoSleep (and pretty much in general) entrances me more than cold__cocoon’s does. Their ability to craft a world that feels so unendingly, richly organic and birth characters that feel like people I’ve met in reality and in dreams is astounding. What are some of your biggest influences in media? Have any stories, on NoSleep or otherwise, or any books, films, or music ever had an impact on your writing? That’s a pretty massive question, to be honest. Can I just be a dick and answer this with “yes” and move on? People like to say that they don’t take influence from the media they consume, but I think that’s pretty absurd; impossible, even. We’re constantly changing our outlooks on things based on what we take in. I’m a voracious reader––always have been. I hungrily consume heavily visceral and graphic films. I’ve always looked to the vastest extremes in media and art for what I always hope can be a transcendental experience. To be quite honest, though, I take more from my personal experiences in the world than I do from my choice of entertainment. Some of my personal artistic mentors have always been John Waters, Edward Gorey, Diamanda Galas, William S. Burroughs, Aleister Crowley, Sheila Legge, Egon Schiele, Clive Barker, David Cronenberg, Lydia Lunch, Max Ernst, Sylvia Plath, and Junji Ito. And so many more. But what inspires me the most? In a word: Trash. I love traaaash. Filthy guttery punky garbage dumpster trash. Trash cinema, trash food, trash people. Trash everything. I live by the moral code of John Waters. Filth is life, and life prospers best in conditions that are filthy. Other than writing, what are some of your hobbies? What other creative mediums do you enjoy? As I said earlier, I’m an artist of quite a few mediums and I don’t have hobbies, I have absolute compulsive obsessions. Here’s a list. Motherfuckers love lists. Dancing, painting, taking apart and fixing vintage electronic systems (VCRs, cassette decks, 8track players, etc.), surrealist art, kicking boulders, occultism, dead places/urban exploration, 80s goth culture, oddities, body modification, the paranormal. I don’t know. What do people like? Am I people? Aside from writing, I also paint, draw/illustrate, dance, make music, draw, and scream a lot. Screaming is an art, you know. I like to do voice acting. I used to love drawing, but ended up thinking I was terrible at it. About a month ago, I tried my hand at it again and realized I was actually pretty decent, and fell back in love with the medium. I started up an instagram and have been drawing every single day. Likewise, I sat down for the first time in years and tried making music again, and found I was able to commit to the sound I wanted like never before. Taking my project name from the iia story Soft Teeth, I began scraping together some sounds and have been working heavily on a yet-to-be-titled album. You can hear some of the demos on Soundcloud, and I’ll be releasing it as a pay-what-you-want download on Bandcamp in the coming weeks. Besides being a musician in that I play instruments, I take more to the side of sound design. With producing, I aim to unsettle as much as I can. There are things you can do with sounds that one could never achieve with words or images, and I’m fascinated by the aspect of tweaking a two second clip of noise into something of tangible auditory beauty or disgust. In the future, I plan to produce most of my work through various platforms, utilizing a combination of sights, sounds, and words to tell stories on different levels. I’m also about to launch a multimedia press named de.ta.ch, which will allow me to have complete control over the final product. You're the creator of /TheDirty31, a subreddit where users challenge themselves by writing and posting one new story daily in each month containing 31 days. How did you come up with the concept for D31? Are there any stories or moments from the sub's history so far that were particularly memorable for you? I’ve always loved torturing myself. I hate deadlines and structure for the most part, but I’m also a massive masochist. I was writing pretty much every single day, but I thought, “How can I make this worse?” I decided on writing and posting a new story for every day in October of 2016 (much like the art challenge Inktober). But! aside from being a masochist, I’m also a huge sadist. I thought to myself, “How can I suck others into this; force friends and strangers to share the pain?” A user named thequietestwhisper requested a way to keep track of the stories I was posting each day. These two things combined into the twisted beast of The Dirty 31, and it just grew from there. It’s hard to pick out a specific story from amongst the hundreds, but I’d have to say the general world-weary feelings of dread and support that the group as a whole held during that initial run were pretty spectacular. It was much like war (in that we were all stranded on foreign soil, eating our own toes, and no one truly won). valkeezy has been doing a phenomenal job holding the stitches together since I haven’t had any time to dedicate to it, and the recent addition of distantoranges to the mod team was a top notch choice. You've mentioned that you plan to release your series, Drift, as an ebook. Are you able to share any info on the status of that? Unfortunately, the progress of publishing Drift kind of fell to the wayside, as things do. As mentioned, I’ll be starting an independent press soon, and Drift will be put out both physically and electronically through there. I’ll be setting up a mailing list for my projects eventually, and all further news will be published on my personal website. When writing Drift, you chose to use an alt account, establishing a background for the protagonist by posting in drug related subreddits prior to sharing the story to NoSleep. How did using an alt help enhance immersion for the series? Writing and publishing the series was an absolute blast. I wanted to create something that was unique and immersive, but didn’t have the time to commit to anything like setting up a phone number or a website, so I went with something I knew a little too well; drug culture. I created the account LivFreeAndDie and immersed myself in the various drug-related subreddits. People were receptive. I created a backstory through comments and posts, slowly and organically manufacturing and bringing up connections to people and places I had conceived for the series. Then, at a critical point, after I’d mentioned the decline of my “brother’s” health and the search for this made-up drug, I launched the story. I wrote all four parts (roughly 20,000 words) as I posted them, and the reception was fantastic. The first part remains, to this day, my highest upvoted NoSleep post. Users would continually comment about having checked my post history and finding connections to the elements of the story at hand, and I think it definitely kicked things up a notch. The whole immersion aspect of NoSleep is something I have a thorough love-hate relationship with, but I more than enjoyed it for Drift. You recently made the decision to no longer post your work online, instead opting to solely contribute to print based mediums. What prompted that change? Spending too much time posting on NoSleep, in my opinion, was starting to dumb down my writing. I don’t mean this as a slight to my fellow authors, nor to the community in general. The rules and regulations, the inability to break the world; I was beginning to see it shape my writing. What had once rebirthed my love for the craft was beginning to become all that I wrote for, and I resented it. After a lengthy thought process and a few conversations with my friend, I came to the conclusion that I needed to break away from the sub and try something new, or I was probably going to stop writing altogether. I picked up my typewriter for the first time in forever and banged out the first draft of the first story I’d felt truly happy with in a while, entitled FIRST CONTACT. From that point, I decided to write as many of my first drafts as I could on the typewriter (I named her Stoya), and it’s brought me a lot of fresh perspectives I don’t think I would’ve otherwise found. To clarify, I will still be submitting writing to online publications, but I likely won’t be posting work on Reddit or Tumblr anymore. I may still post the sequel to Mourning Wood, the story which made me a household name (households that need to be torn down, obviously), since I feel like I owe that to this fucked up little family. Along with brokenlotus you co-own and operate The Road Virus, a mobile bookstore specializing in horror, sci-fi, and fringe literature. Can you tell us a little about the origin of TRV, and your future plans for it? My best friend Em and I discovered a mutual love of books, bookstores, and libraries within one another. It’d been a dream of both of ours to own a bookstore since we were kids. Living in San Francisco at the time, this would have been completely impossible with rent prices and competition. So, we did the next best (and totally sane) thing and bought a bus that had once serviced the Perry County (Indiana) Public Library as a bookmobile. With Em’s past as a librarian, and my being an author, forever nomad, and always having dreamt of being a long haul trucker, it was perfect. Ridiculous, but perfect. We’re sitting in Florida right now finishing renovations with the help of a longtime NoSleeper, Cody (throwawatsalesman), about to officially embark out onto the road full time, and we’re beyond excited for the weirdness that lies ahead. We plan to travel the US for the next two years, at least. We converted the front half of the bus into a bookstore and the back half into an RV. A brick and mortar is definitely on our minds for the future, but in the meantime, we’re looking to bring fringe literature to all of the desolate parts of the country (and hopefully beyond). You can read more about the bus on our website and across social media by following @roadvirusbus. Much of your writing features lgbt characters, and you've stated previously that queer horror has a noticeable lack of representation on NoSleep. Why do you feel that is? As an openly queer person myself, I write what I want to see. And what I want to see is representation. A lot of the blowhards who seem to have a problem with the concept of LGBT+ people being, y’know, people, tend to come up with the brutish argument of, “Oh, this just seems forced” at the inclusion of any typically “othered” character makeups. The following is a list of actual comments I’ve received: “Wait so are you a guy or not - Edit: yep Carl is a dudes name" "I feel sorry for you. But I can't understand whether you are a man or a woman? You say you have a husband named Ed now, but the toothless man said "boys will be boys" to you and your brother." "so... you're a girl, but you said you had a girlfriend, that makes no sense" "the narrator being gay took me out of the story" "This isn't how a gay guy would act" "You made that character gay just to be different" The unabashed ignorance and immunity to reality that some people on NoSleep seem to hold and promote is beyond me. But I get it. You know what you know, right? Well, if that’s what you know, then I think that the shit you know needs to change. Drastically. Queer people, gay people, trans people; they exist. It’s not a fad or a passing flame. There are literally dozens of us! Given that most published authors are straight white men––at least those lauded by pop media––the world of literature would be a very fucking boring place if people only wrote what they were. But there is a fine line to walk; that of representing but not exploiting or making a cheap gimmick or stereotype of (and I say this as a person who loves and appreciates garbage exploitation films). An author I highly respect and love, Harlan Ellison, does this impeccably. The easiest way to write a character who’s based on something you don’t know or have never experienced is to do research and write them first as a person, and then as the model you’re trying to represent. Are there any topics you feel are too controversial for you, or that you prefer not to mention in your writing? No, not really. At least I haven’t come across one. My writing has touched on most of the things people mention in these answers: abuse, rape, racism, child death. I find therapy in the process of creating, and I’ve dealt with a lot of the things I write about first or secondhand. It’s a fluid sense of catharsis, and one I hold dear. Do you have any favorite reader reactions to your writing? Among the gamut of variations of “what the fuck” (“what the shitting christ is wrong with you” was a good one), I would have to say the entirety of the thread of my story Mourning Wood was my favorite. The plant/gardening puns were many and egregious. Besides shitting themselves over how “fucked up” a scene was, people have also come to me and told me that some of my stories were the most beautiful and sad things they’ve ever read, and that’s something I cherish. What stories or projects of yours are you most proud of? For writing, I would have to say the Red Wings stories are my favorites. Writing in her voice has been my favorite word-based experience thus far. I’m going to be turning them into a full length novel at some point; I’d love to see it in graphic novel form. I also love From the Mouths of Babes, which was a /ShortScaryStories post. I love doing short, punchy, biting surreal pieces. It’s where I’m most comfortable. Utilizing an amalgamation of surreal, visceral descriptions with achingly real characters and vast worlds is always my goal. For visual art, two pieces come to mind. This abstract self-portrait and this portrait of a witch and her feline familiar. I only started drawing about a month ago, but I’m quickly developing a stark lowbrow style, and I’m enjoying myself. And in general, The Road Virus. My friend and I bought a goddamn bus and are traveling the country selling books. Dream come true. What advice would you offer new contributors to NoSleep? Don’t forget who you are, and what you want to write. NoSleep can be so, so many things. It can be an inspiration, a launching pad, an endless pool from which to derive meaning in your words, words that might’ve otherwise never seen the light of dark; but it can also be harrowing and damning, making you question yourself, second-guess your stories, constantly be seeking validation from your peers and online readers, some of which like to spit acerbic haunts from behind a projected keyboard shield. You’re better than you think you are, so stop worrying about what everyone else wants, or thinks, or whatever. Write for the sake of writing, post for the sake of feedback, do whatever you feel the need to do in order to make your writing work for you. But don’t let NoSleep become the concrete formula for your process. Write every day. Engage in the OOC sometimes. Join the IRC if you’re feeling up to chatting. And for the love of hell, read a fucking book. I’m aware that some people “just don’t like to read”, but you cannot improve as a writer unless you read. Also, it’s just fun. Learning is amazing. Channeling yourself into other worlds you’d otherwise never see is king. Live deliciously, or live not at all. What are your short-term and long-term writing goals? I would like to be paid large sums of money and/or gold bars for shitting out a listicle on Thought Catalog every other full moon. That, or at least find sustainability in my writing. I want to be read. I want my physical books to be in physical hands and for people to lick their physical thumbs and turn their physical pages (jk actually don’t do that it squicks me out). I want to write for magazines, to have articles published. I’d like to reinvent myself as a new journalist (the movement, not the freshness) and put myself in the rough to gain access to interesting stories from immense worlds. I’d like to make my website a frequently-used platform for blogging my thoughts and feelings (what are those again?). I want to show more people that writing can be bizarre and surreal without being meaningless. I want a lot of things, and I’m slowly picking up the tools to perform them every single day. Community Questions: From tanjasimone:Which is your favourite horror erotica duo with the initials JE and when are they releasing their next story? Jerk Ember? No… Jasmine Explosion? Nah… Jewish Emissary? Fuck… Uh… oh right JIZZ ENSEMBLE. Hot DOG. I don’t know, Tanja, WHEN ARE THEY GOING TO WRITE THEIR FIRST STORY???? This is as much your fault as it is mine. I suggest a mutual paddling. With barbed wire wrapped around those rubber screaming duck toys. Shit, am I writing our first story at this very moment???? From iia:Frasier mad lib? Poppy (verb, -ed) the (adjective) (noun) of Niles while Maris watched, (adverb) (verb, -ing). Poppy scraped the faithful mons pubis of Niles while Maris watched, hopelessly prostrating. From taos777:How often do touch your plant? I don’t know, Greg, how often do you touch your plants? That’s the REAL question here. You wanna know why? Because I’ve got a lot of filthy soil between my fingers, and it ain’t homegrown, if you know what I’m saying. I’ve got a green thumb, buddy, but your plants know what else is even greener. From Zchxz:Which superpower would you choose and why? Hero or villain? And of course, what would your name be? Definitely telekinesis, because it opens the door––without touching it––for so many other possibilities. With practice, bending other things in the world to one’s will seems eventually plausible. Flight, pyrokinesis, being impervious, in a sense, to attack; all of this should be possible through movement via the mind. And the concept of unlocking one’s brain’s potential in such a vast, unending way feeds into a lot of speculation on the possible applications of metaphysical abstraction through extrasensory manipulation. I’d most likely be an antihero. Fuck that heroism and valiance shtick. I’m a bad seed with good intentions. I’d rip evildoers in half and strike a match for my cigarette off of their twisted corpses, all with my mind. All while saying sassy, semi-nonsensical shit that makes them go, “I’m getting bested by a dude who just made a near-incomprehensible and terribly punned dick joke??? Really???!!” right before their eyes explode. Nice. My name would be “The Raging Stamen”, and I would carry a gun lovingly referred to as my “Lil Pistil”. From kneeod:Have you introduced Fulci to Marge? Also, Who's your favorite James Bond? I prefer to keep business and pleasure separate, thanks. I can’t believe you stole the James Bond question from Mikey. You know it’s all he has… David Niven was pretty wonderful in the ‘67 spoof version of Casino Royale. In general, I think Brosnan’s Bond had too much self-aggrandizing swagger. He was always just a little too… I don’t know, primped and proper, for me. I like my bond rougher, dirtier. The other guy… uh… Shawn Canary? Yeah, the Australian. Now he was a man. Yee-haw. I’ll be honest, and I welcome the crucifixion, but really loved Daniel Craig’s version. He fulfilled a lot of the key points of what made Bond for me; self-assured, rugged, brutal when necessary. But simultaneously sensitive in a way that wasn’t cheesy or played out. He pulled it off in a way that really felt right for the new generation, a more action-packed and fast paced blood-pumper. From AsForClass:What other adventures have you had that you would consider comparable to your amazing bus adventures? I feel like I’ve lived ten different timelines in my almost 27 years, and I don’t say that lightly. I’ve done a lot, seen a lot, experienced a lot. I leave this to my recent trip to Tokyo with brokenlotus. We lived rough, travelled light, and experienced a hell of a lot. Living in another country like you’re not a tourist is, in my opinion, one of the only right ways to truly travel. From MikeyKnutson:When are we going to tell them about the engagement? Stop hiding me! Respond to my carrier pigeons about the boils that’ve started popping up all over my feet and maybe then we’ll talk. From Blueballs69_:Can I touch you the way you touch my heart? I don’t care how many attempts the FBI makes, I’m not admitting to any of those fraudulent ER surgeon open-heart surgery murders. From iwantabear:what is your favorite kind of candy? how many cows have you shamed? Fuck, there are at least two kinds of candy. How do you expect me to make decisions like this? Sour Patch Watermelons are bomb. I love a good Snickers. Some may call me a pervert, but I fucking love me some marmite/vegemite. That counts as candy––unless you’re a terrorist or something. All sorts of Japanese candies I can’t remember the names of (one of them was possibly a scorpion dick; I don’t know, things got weird). Tamarind chewy things of all kind. Unlike SOME people (not naming names, but definitely naming bears), I have NEVER shamed a cow. I’ve pet a few. They are so velvety. I have secret knowledge that brokenlotus once pissed on a cow. She was drunk, she thought it was an oddly warm/soft wall. These things happen. From decomprosed:Why are you such a nasty, unrelenting bitch? I learned it by watching you! I LEARNED IT BY WATCHING YOU!!! Still eager to devour more decomprosed? Consume:
Make sure to check out The Road Virus website, sign up for their newsletter to see where they're headed next, buy some swaghelp,dopeoplestillsayswag? and follow their adventures @roadvirusbus on Instagram, Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook, and Snapchat! Didn't get a chance to ask Decomprosed your question? Chill your roll, Bob Dole! He'll be doing a LIVE AMA in the unofficial OOC chatThursday, May 18th from 5-7 pm EST! To ensure all questions are asked and answered in an orderly fashion, inquiries will be submitted by entering the IRC and private messaging them to cmd102. All appropriate questions will be asked if time permits. NoSleepInterviews would like to say a huge thank you to that groovy garden ghoul, decomprosed, for taking the time to talk to us! You're super spooky, Mr. Hobo, and we can't wait to see you continue to shatter the stratosphere in every media realm possible! We'll see you back here in two weeks when we speak with 007'sbiggestho himself, the magnificent MikeyKnutson! We'll be taking questions for him in the OOC next week. Until then, why don't you let your eyes Pierce his Brosnan?
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